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    THIS IS A FUNNY LETTER:

    To Rt Hon David Milliband M.P.
    Secretary of State, DEFRA

    Dear Secretary of State,

    My friend, who is in farming at the moment, received a cheque for £3,000
    from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I now want to join the
    "not rearing pigs" business.

    In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and
    which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach
    this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the
    EU under the Common Agriculture Policy.

    I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want
    not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any
    advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old
    Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

    As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate
    record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there Government or Local
    Authority courses on this?

    My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for
    forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968.
    That is until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

    If I can get £3000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6000 for not rearing
    100?

    I plan to operate on a smalll scale at first, holding myself down to about
    4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year.
    Then I can afford to buy an aeroplane.

    Another point: these pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes
    of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops.
    Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I
    did not rear?

    I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send me any
    information you have on that too. Please could you also include the
    government information on set-aside fields? Can this be done on an
    e-commerce basis with virtual fields.

    In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and
    will qualify for unemployment benefits.

    I shall of course vote for you at the next general election.
    I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

    Comment


      Originally posted by goldmember
      He likes men !
      George Michael .......really ?

      you mean he "keeps his coins in his wallet" and is "good with colours"

      who would have thought it.
      I don't know my arse from an hole in the ground

      Comment


        Anyone care to comment on how this test is going???

        Comment


          B U M P

          Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion.

          Comment


            back to the top again.
            SA says;
            Well you looked so stylish I thought you batted for the other camp - thats like the ultimate compliment!

            I couldn't imagine you ever having a hair out of place!

            n5gooner is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
            (whatever these are)

            Comment


              and back to the top again!
              SA says;
              Well you looked so stylish I thought you batted for the other camp - thats like the ultimate compliment!

              I couldn't imagine you ever having a hair out of place!

              n5gooner is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
              (whatever these are)

              Comment


                I guess you did!
                SA says;
                Well you looked so stylish I thought you batted for the other camp - thats like the ultimate compliment!

                I couldn't imagine you ever having a hair out of place!

                n5gooner is awarded +5 Xeno Geek Points.
                (whatever these are)

                Comment


                  Well, if you haven't seen anyone all day, then by extension no-one has seen you all day either.
                  "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                  Comment


                    So how does any one know you are there?
                    "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                    Comment


                      Or for that matter, how do you know you are there?
                      "Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.

                      Comment

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