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No, really, you have to be nice to people you don't like, have to shake all the blokes hands and give the women those carppy European air kisses on both cheeks. I'd rather be in bed.
You're mixing with the wrong crowd.
Come down to my local - we don't shake hands, we buy each other a drink. And quite a few of the female regulars are lesbians, so they don't do air kisses - they grab you in an armlock and give you a proper kiss, because they know you won't drunkenly think that it means they fancy you.
The women who aren't lesbians are similarly practical and down to earth in their greetings - they shake hands unless they actually want to kiss you, which makes it a lot clearer where you stand.
Oh, and don't bother dressing up for the occasion, as we'll only spill beer on you anyway
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