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I have to write the job description for my replacement. I thought I'd make a start:
Senior Blagger Required.
Senior Blagger with 7-10 years experience in hoodwinking middle management, London, to work with a lively team to ridiculous deadlines set by teflon stakeholders.
Must be able to talk convincingly at length on any given subject while suffering from bouts of acute apathy and a wandering imagination. Should be conversant with the latest Management BS vocabulary, and experienced in leading a team of Junior and Middleweight Blaggers through the thorny maze that is Office Politik.
Essential skills: Lightning-fast Alt-Tabbing; Sleeping with eyes open; Stealing all the best stationery; Appearing interested and awake during team meetings; Clock Watching; Answering questions with questions; Showing Junior staff that they'll retain knowledge better if they figure it out for themselves; Posting at length in CUK.
Advantaged candidates should be able to: Talk local IT staff into giving you full admin rights; Walk away from meetings with barely any action points; Apportion blame for almost anything to Microsoft and IBM; Sweeten relationships with the most important stakeholders in the business (The director's PA, the reception staff & IT support).
I have to write the job description for my replacement. I thought I'd make a start:
Senior Blagger Required.
Senior Blagger with 7-10 years experience in hoodwinking middle management, London, to work with a lively team to ridiculous deadlines set by teflon stakeholders.
Must be able to talk convincingly at length on any given subject while suffering from bouts of acute apathy and a wandering imagination. Should be conversant with the latest Management BS vocabulary, and experienced in leading a team of Junior and Middleweight Blaggers through the thorny maze that is Office Politik.
Essential skills: Lightning-fast Alt-Tabbing; Sleeping with eyes open; Stealing all the best stationery; Appearing interested and awake during team meetings; Clock Watching; Answering questions with questions; Showing Junior staff that they'll retain knowledge better if they figure it out for themselves; Posting at length in CUK.
Advantaged candidates should be able to: Talk local IT staff into giving you full admin rights; Walk away from meetings with barely any action points; Apportion blame for almost anything to Microsoft and IBM; Sweeten relationships with the most important stakeholders in the business (The director's PA, the reception staff & IT support).
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