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"The only way we could convince Michael to agree to the remake was to bend over to his demands and also offer him the role of the Zulu chief", said the producer. Mr Caine, now in his early nineties, was said to be looking for new challenges, and the rumours of an extra three hundred naked female villagers being urgently drafted in have been denied by the production company.
To be filmed in Scotland, manufacturers of stadium lighting and black shoe polish are said to be over the moon. Gordon Brown has given the film his full backing, saying "It will be the biggest boost to Scottish Industry since the building of the Scottish parliament. It proves Scotland can attract the best the world has to offer".
When questioned on why sun bleached tundra was being imported from South Africa, Brown burbled a bit, but made no real comment.
Brown denied profiting from the production in any way. Asked if he had been offered a part, his face went pale and he said "but they are phoning all Browns in Scotland".
"Being nice costs nothing and sometimes gets you extra bacon" - Pondlife.
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