Jokes for the girls

[snaw]

> My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood
>
> ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in
>
> a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big
>
> ******* red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a
> diamond.
>
>
> ****************************
>
>
> My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
>
> make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
>
> bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
>
>
> ****************************
>
>
> A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
>
> the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>
> A: A rumor.
>
> ****************************
>
> He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make
>
> Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.
>
> ****************************
>
> He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said
>
> 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
>
> On the sofa and fart'.
>
> ****************************
>
>
> He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that
>
> I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
>
> bastard'.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>
> A: 45 minutes.
>
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>
> A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
>
> A: They can't stand criticism.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
>
> caring, and good looking?
>
> A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of
>
> marrying?
>
> A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
>
> of driving.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a
>
> head?
>
> A: Reload and try again

[xoggoth]

Good find snaw. I read both the men's jokes and the women's jokes and found the men's jokes far funnier. I geuss this proves I am a 99% heterosexual male.

Pity about that other 1%, my @rsehole still spends its evening hanging around gay bars picking up rough.