Jokes for the girls

Good find snaw. I read both the men's jokes and the women's jokes and found the men's jokes far funnier. I geuss this proves I am a 99% heterosexual male.

Pity about that other 1%, my @rsehole still spends its evening hanging around gay bars picking up rough.

> My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood
>
> ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in
>
> a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big
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> ******* red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a
> diamond.
>
>
> ****************************
>
>
> My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
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> make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
>
> bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
>
>
> ****************************
>
>
> A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
>
> the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>
> A: A rumor.
>
> ****************************
>
> He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make
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> Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.
>
> ****************************
>
> He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said
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> 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
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> On the sofa and fart'.
>
> ****************************
>
>
> He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that
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> I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
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> bastard'.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>
> A: 45 minutes.
>
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
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> A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
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> A: They can't stand criticism.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
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> caring, and good looking?
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> A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of
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> marrying?
>
> A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
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> of driving.
>
> ****************************
>
> Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a
>
> head?
>
> A: Reload and try again