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    A woman is getting out of the bath wet and naked and slips on the floor, does the splits and ends up stuck to the floor by her f*nny.
    Her husband tries to lift her up but to no avail. In desperation he calls for his mate but even with both of them straining away she won't budge. In the end his mate says "I'll go and get a hammer, we'll have to break a few tiles to release her".
    The husband says "Okay, but whilst you are gone I am going to kiss her neck, ears, and play with her t*ts".
    The mate says "Why?"
    The husband replies "Because if I can get her wet enough I can slide her into the kitchen. The floor tiles are much cheaper in there!"
    “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

    ‎"See, you think I give a tulip. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of a tulip? That's why I look interested."