Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Two master mariners were sitting at the bar one night getting well
tanked up when one turns to the other saying, "You know what gets me, is
the damn crew! They're OK for the first few weeks, but on those
three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the
whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's
making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"

The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest trick in the
book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams, then you buy about
50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team
that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."

"Hey! That's a neat way to keep the ship clean... but then I'm out a bag
of gold every trip!"

"Not so," replies the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all
the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into
candles. You make a tidy profit every time."

The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice
and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea.
Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel
after barrel. When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels
for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long,
I'll be able to buy a new boat!'

This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to
that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised
to see the police waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the
captain cried out "What's the meaning of this?!"

"You sick bastard," replied one of the policemen, "Remember all those
barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through here?"

"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"

"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all
the nuns are pregnant!"

[BrilloPad]

One day a young cowboy and his girl decided to get married. He was a man
of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.

After the wedding, they left for their honeymoon.

While driving down the road,the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to, Honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them
cows, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!"

After a few more hours of driving, they pass two horses having sex.

Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing, Honey?"

The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!" She replies,

"Oh, I see!"

Finally, they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and
started to get ready for bed. When they got in bed, they start to
explore each other's bodies.

Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.

"Oh, my!" she cries. "What is that?"

"Well, Darlin', he says, "That's my rope!"

She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh, my goodness! What are
those?" she asks.

"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.

Finally, the couple begins to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop, Honey, wait a minute!"

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter, Honey, am
I hurting you?"

"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots. I need more rope!"

[BrilloPad]

Once there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the
following three conditions:
1) $100.00 to do it on the grass.
2) $200.00 to do it on a couch.
3) $300.00 to do it in the bed.
In the morning a British bloke walks in and slaps a $100 note on the
table. So they went out and did it on the grass.
Soon, an American fellow walks in and slaps a $200 note on the table.
So
they head for the couch and did it there.
About the end on the day, a Jamaican man walks in and slaps $300 on
the
table. Happy from seeing the money, the prostitute says, "Wow, you
have
class." The Jamaican responds, "Class mi rass ... three times pon the
grass."

[BrilloPad]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met at the
Pearly gates by St.Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives
that I am granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and *poof* she's gone.

The second nun says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone.

The third nun says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed.
"Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head
and says, "I'm sorry but that name doesn't ring a bell" The nun then takes a
newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St.
Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her
and says....
"No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline' laid by 1,900 men in 6 months."

[BrilloPad]

>See if you can do this. Read each line aloud. Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister
>
>This is this cat
>This is is cat
>This is how cat
>This is to cat
>This is keep cat
>This is a cat
>This is dumbass cat
>This is busy cat
>This is for cat
>This is forty cat
>This is seconds cat
>Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top.

[oracleslave]

>See if you can do this. Read each line aloud. Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister
>
>This is this cat
>This is is cat
>This is how cat
>This is to cat
>This is keep cat
>This is a cat
>This is dumbass cat
>This is busy cat
>This is for cat
>This is forty cat
>This is seconds cat
>Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top.

[KathyWoolfe]

I think Brillopad shoud have some posts deducted from his count as he keeps posting jokes that he posted before.

[BrilloPad]

That is 1000 jokes! lets see who posted what...

[BrilloPad]

BrilloPad 590
darmstadt 49
Colemanisor 34
Money Money Money 20

[BrilloPad]

I think Brillopad shoud have some posts deducted from his count as he keeps posting jokes that he posted before.

blame the people who sent em to me...

anyway - are you a mod?