Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

You gotta love the great British public.
UK Government: we have introduced a temporary furlough scheme to support jobs during the pandemic.

**Furlough ends**

British Public: You can’t end furlough, we need it!

UK Government: We are giving universal credit claimants a temporary £20 a week uplift; this is when it will end on 06/10/2021.

**Credit uplift ends**

British Public: You heartless Tory Bastards!

UK Government: There is no fuel shortage
British Public: I better go fill up my car and 5 jerry cans!

[vetran]

Just tried installing the latest version of "The Road Haulage Association" game on my pc.

But it keeps saying it can't find any drivers

[vetran]

I say, I say, I say, my dog's got no nose!.

How does he smell?.

He can't, he's got long covid.

[vetran]

My dog has started chasing after people on a bike.

I don't know where he got it from or how he learnt to ride it.

[vetran]

I stole my mates colostomy bag once for a joke.

He didn’t see the funny side.

He started loosing his tulip.

[vetran]

The funeral of Status Quo bassist Alan Lancaster will be a pretty somber affair.

Although the wake will be brilliant,, they're having twelve bars.

[vetran]

There's a poster outside my local Asda that says, 'UK Baby Retailer of the Year'.

They never seem to have any out on the shelves.

[Paddy]

Buy Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and get a free cut-out HGV Licence
T&Cs Apply
Valid for the UK only
Must be have moped delivery experience.

[vetran]

I said to the barman, 'My wife was killed by a spider.'

He said, 'Bloody hell, that's unusual! What kind was it, tarantula or Black Widow?'

I replied, 'Nah, Alfa Romeo.'

[vetran]

Were you in the Gulf wars, grandad?.

No. But I was in the Shell scrap during the tanker driver shortage.