Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Sadly too true

Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."

Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."

[vetran]

A new dating website has been taking Norfolk by storm...

It's pretty uncommon in other places, so you may have heard of it. It's called OnlyFams.

[vetran]

My daughter has been making money by selling pictures and videos of custard desserts.

She's on only flans

[vetran]

A teacher was reminding her students of their final exam the day after and said.

''I won't be accepting any excuses for you not being here tomorrow unless nuclear war breaks out, you have a very serious personal injury or there's a death in your immediate family if your not here then you fail the whole year''

The smart ass kid Warty at the back of the room raises his hand ''What if I come in but I'm suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion? how could I do the test then?''

There were sniggers and laughs from the class until the teacher said ''well in that scenario Warty, you'll just have to write with your other hand''

[vetran]

How many pessimists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. I am screwed, lightbulb is screwed, the whole world is screwed

[vetran]

A Psychic buying clothes

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small.

Employee: You didn't even try it on.

Psychic: I'm a medium.

[vetran]

For El Reeker

What do an Incel and Excel have in common?

Misinterpreting something as a date.

[vetran]

I sold some laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...
The next day he told me that was the best sh1t he ever had!

[vetran]

11 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

Now, you can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence!

[vetran]

Two buddies are up late smoking a little weed.
The first guy says “what time is it” to which the second guy says “I’m not sure, here give me that trombone”
The first guy asks “how the hell can you tell the time with a trombone?!”
“It’s magic” replies his friend and as he says that he lets out a long, low belt on the trombone. He stops and waits, seemingly expecting something
Suddenly a loud voice calls out from the room above
“Who the **** is playing the trombone at 3 am!?”