Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

Have you ever been hit with a rhythm stick ?

If so you could be entitled to a personal Ian Dury claim.

[vetran]

I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

Poor bloke was rendered unconscious.

[vetran]

Sad news. My friend with a lisp has passed away. He will be miffed...

[vetran]

Marks and Spencer has launched a new range of underwear 'inspired by the case of George Floyd', apparently.

So I'm off to buy some with a fake twenty.

[vetran]

There's a gap in the high street where there used to be a Gap in the high street.

[vetran]

"Seamus...according to that Dermot fella with the funny surname, skin cancer is the biggest killer in Ireland."



"Dermot who, Paddy?"




"Dermot Ologist."

[vetran]

are you EVER going to post anything even mildly amusing??

feel free to mark things you find funny or contribute.

I collect the ones that make me laugh, sorry if your sense of humour is different.

[vetran]

I recently made a journey by taxi during a visit to London.

For the whole twenty minutes the driver rabbited on non-stop:

'They wanna bring back National Service if yer arsk me, teach these youngsters a bit of bladdy respect! Never did me any harm...
Tell you wot, all these bleedin' foreigners, they come over 'ere an' think they own the place! They ought ta send 'em all back where they came from...
It's high time they brought back the death penalty in this country. I'd pull the bladdy lever meself!'

I think it was one of those Hackneyed cabs.

[vetran]

BREAKING NEWS:
The Prime Minister has stated that most COVID restrictions will be lifted on the 19th July and that he is relying on the common sense of the English public to stop the spread...

In that case, we're stuffed

[vetran]

Panto

Meat pies cost in:
Dominica and Cuba - $3
Jamaica and Bahamas - $2.79 & Granada and Guatemala - $2.49

Pie Rates of the Caribbean.