Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I met a flasher once in a park about to do his business,....

he told me that he wanted to retire from flashing , he said that he was just going to stick it out for a few more months.

[vetran]

My neighbour has been flashing me from her bedroom window.

I don't know how she got the car up there.

[vetran]

I'm pretty sure my Wife is seeing another man....

I won't start celebrating until I'm certain!

[vetran]

Boris Johnson apologies unreservedly for the Ballymurphy massacre....

..that happened when he was 7.

Hopefully he is just getting warmed up for all the other tulip he is actually responsible for.

[vetran]

Arrived home today and saw my wife was packing.

Honestly... I don't even think she's got a gun licence.

[vetran]

I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe.

I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe!!

[vetran]

THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC -

The Pessimist;
I got furloughed then lost my job, the price of toilet rolls and hand sanitiser went through the roof, I couldn't go to Marbella, I couldn't get a Big Mac, the cinema and Wetherspoons were shut, Xmas was tulip and my Nan died.

The Optimist;
Everyone had such nice clean hands!

[vetran]

Everybody is beautiful in their own way. It just takes a lot of alcohol to see it in some.

[vetran]

Today a man knocked on my door and asked a small donation for the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

[vetran]

Ariana Grande...
A coffee from Starbucks that Millennials drink?

Miley Cyrus...
A Persian distance?

Justin Beaver...
A moment of Beastiality?

Taylor Swift...
A quick cloth cutter?

Lady Gaga...
A time of the month when a woman is extra crazy?

Kanye West...
A compass direction to spicy pepper?

Kardashian...
A Russian breed of speedy dog?

Katy Perry...
A wine for cats?