"What are the odds of Scots being alcoholic?"
"I've heard of one in Fife."
"I've heard of one in Fife."
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
Some guy knocked on my door earlier today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I replied, "You've got the wrong house then mate."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Good news for insomniacs - Only one more sleep till Christmas!Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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My forecast for this year's most-popular Christmas gift:
Covid-19.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Ffs. Never mix drink and wrapping Xmas presents.
If anyone opens theirs and finds a TV remote in it, I need the thing back.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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How does Mickey Mouse protect against coronavirus?
Disney-infectant.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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This morning I completely forgot the name of my new girlfriend. So I took her to Starbucks.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Boyfriend proposes to his train driver girlfriend as she pulls into the platform in front of delighted commuters.
She was shocked, as men normally propose to her when they pull out.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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"Anything these days," I told my son.
He frowned a little.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Huh?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"I don't understand. Explain?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
He sighed loudly.
"Are you crazy, dad?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked.
"Anything these days," I said.
"Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked.
There was a pause.
"Anything these days," I continued.
At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!"
There was a silence.
"This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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The greatest story ever told is on tv this week. It will need to go some to beat the one my mate Dave told me about the night he spent in Amsterdam with a ounce of coke and 2 hookers.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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