Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Poor Wally can no longer get up to mischief and hide anonymously in the crowd!
I can guarantee, that behind every window there, is some vigilante neighbour taking pics of him on their iphone and shaming him for being out on local facebook groups, and others ringing the police hot line to dob him in!!!
Sorry Wally- times up!

[LondonManc]

Three words: "home schooling"

[ladymuck]

Just called in at Aldi.

Bloke in front was purchasing a sombrero, a piñata and a bottle of tequila

I thought to myself Hispanic buying

[ladymuck]

Apparently, they've run out of sausages in Germany and are to use seabirds instead.

Things have taken a Tern for the Wurst...

[ladymuck]

Day 10 of complete isolation and the cat just asked me if I wanted the radio left on while he went out

[vetran]

I'm starting to get really concerned about my son. For the last several days he's done absolutely **** all but sit on the sofa with a headset on and holding a game controller and playing this spaceship video game.
Anyway, when he finally got up, you wouldn't believe how even more surprised he was when I actually explained to him how now we're all under a lockdown.


(for a friend whose middle son connects to the playstation with a umbilical cord).

[vetran]

Little Greta Thunberg has been feeling ill and self-diagnosed herself with the corona virus a couple of days ago.

Unfortunately as well, her condition has been getting much worse.

Fortunately though a doctor just examined her and said she'll make quick recovery if she gets the simple remedy of people starting to pay a lot of attention to her again.

[vetran]

I went shopping this morning, or tried to. The newsagent was closed. The corner shop was closed. The greengrocer was closed. The hardware store was closed.

It was like this last Friday too.

I wish they wouldn't all go to mosque at the same time.

[vetran]

My electric fan has contracted Coronavirus.
It’s currently self-oscillating.

[vetran]

I was told that having no taste was an early symptom of the Coronavirus.

Looking across at my fat, ugly wife, I must have been infected for years.