Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

Brillo dies and went to hell(for the crime of being too witty). He didn't like it there. So he asked Lucifer if there was a way out. He replied "Yes. You have to find the ugliest woman you can and have relations with her in front of me". So Brillo found an ugly, disabled old hag(who made NLyUK look great) and took her to Lucifer.

When he got there, WTFH(in hell for crimes against music) was having relations with a sexy, nubile young lady(nearly as nice as LM). So Brillo asked Lucifer, "Why did he get to sleep with someone nice, when I get someone awful?"

Lucifer said "What you have to remember is some women want to get out of here too....."

[WTFH]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.


Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

[WTFH]

Boss: How good are you at Power Point?


Me: I Excel at it


Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?


Me: Word

[WTFH]

Brillo asked his wife if he was the only one she’d been with.


She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens.

[WTFH]

I am giving up drinking for a month.


Sorry that came out wrong.


I am giving up. Drinking for a month.

[WTFH]

I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500…


IM LIVID

[WTFH]

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.


An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.


A realist sees a freight train.


The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track.

[WTFH]

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
“You’ve given me one too many.”
“That one is a freebie.”

[WTFH]

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: No, the cars are much faster.

[WTFH]

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.