Please put more jokes here

[darmstadt]

I was in a pet shop when I noticed a Muslim girl with the most amazingly coloured parrot perched on her shoulder.
"Where did you get that from?" I asked. "Germany. There's ******* thousands of 'em!" said the parrot.

[darmstadt]

Two rabbits and a hedgehog are standing by the side of a road one day when the hedgehog says to the rabbits, "Tell me how do you rabbits manage to cross the road safely when we always seem to get splattered by a car."

"Well thats easy" says one of the rabbits, "All you have to do is first make sure nothing is coming either way then make your way across, keeping a look out for any cars, if you see a car coming towards you.
turn and face it and stare at the driver, he will see you, then just as the car gets close to you roll yourself up into a ball and the car will go over you with the wheels either side of you then carry on to the other side of the road."

"Brilliant" says the hedgehog "I'll try that now."

So the hedgehog looks both ways, nothing coming, so off he goes across the road, keeping a look out for any cars.

Just over halfway across he sees a car coming towards him, so he does exactly as the rabbits told him, he turns round and faces the car, stares at the driver, and just as the car gets close he curls up into a ball.

SPLAT!!!!....

The car squashes the poor little sod in the middle of the road.

On the side of the road the two rabbits have just witnessed what has happened....



One rabbit says to the other, "tulip that was unlucky, that's the first
time I have ever seen a Reliant Robin come down this road.

[darmstadt]

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

[darmstadt]

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the local supermarket.
I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.
She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
With her bra-less breasts almost falling out her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice,
“I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer ya got?"

[WTFH]

Councils across the UK are rejoicing after melting roads begin to fill in their own potholes.

[WTFH]

I'm a bit nervous this morning.
If the weather stays nice I may have to put on shorts and the Judge from last time used the phrase ‘final warning’.

[LondonManc]

Donald Trump will display his daredevil side this weekend as he attempts to jump 100 Mexicans in a steamroller....

[LondonManc]

Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy

[GreenMirror]

WTFH arrived home yesterday to find his wife engaging in relations with his best friend.

WTFH said "Bad Dog".

That joke was bought to you courtesy of the 1970s...

[LondonManc]

I was talking to Pete down the pub earlier, telling him that my best friend Dave had run off with my wife yesterday.
"Oi!" exclaimed Pete, "I thought I was your best mate. Since when was Dave your best friend?"
"Since yesterday...."