Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

I was at a job interview, and towards the end of it, the interviewer asked me, "Have you any weaknesses?"
I said, "Yes, I always let myself down at interviews."
He said, "I think you are doing OK."
I said, "Yeah, well you would think that, you stupid fat Git!”

[JHadd]

A boy is sitting on a bus and eating one piece of chocolate after the other. A man sits down next to him and says: “Eating so much chocolate is not healthy for you boy.”

The boy replies: “My grandfather died when he was 112 years old.”

The man asks: “You think he became so old because he was eating lots of chocolate?”

The boy answers: “He became so old because he minded his own business.”

[BR14]

My dim mate went for a job in an office block.
They asked him to fill in the questionaire, so he went outside and beat up the doorman.

[LondonManc]

A cop arrives at the scene of a shooting where an old dear has killed her husband with his automatic rifle. The cop asks why and it turns out that she'd shot him for walking on the kitchen floor after she'd just mopped it.

The cop radios it in and his sergeant asks "have you arrested her yet?"
"No sir," comes the reply.
"Why the hell not???" demands the irate officer.
"The floor's still wet sir"

[shaunbhoy]

Caesar: "Right lads. I came. I saw. And I CONQUERED. How are we marking this?"

Centurion: "Well... Dave in catering made a salad"

[shaunbhoy]

Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's saviour

Innkeeper: sorry we get really busy around Christmas time

Joseph: around what time?

[WTFH]

I asked my wife to stimulate me with her keyring but she just fobbed me off.

[BrilloPad]

I am in trouble. I had to tell baby bp.

Bitcoins do not exist......

[BrilloPad]

Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

[BrilloPad]

I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.