My wife said she's leaving me because I can't do anything right when it comes to housework.
Selfish bitch. It took me hours to mop that carpet.
Selfish bitch. It took me hours to mop that carpet.
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“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain” -
My wife wrote a letter telling me I need to "grow up", but I'm not the one leaving notes in my Super Mario lunchbox.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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My wife's says she promises to stop shouting cruel taunts about my weight at me. Fat chants.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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In the back woods of Wales, Dai’s wife went into labour in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there Dai!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down… I think there’s another wee one to come yet.”
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad… It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.
Then Dai scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: “Do ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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This morning, my grandad accidentally got his sleeping pills mixed up with his viagra.
He ended up having 40 wanks.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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"Muslims and Irish are all bastards," said the dwarf.
"That's a little racist," I thought.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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For our Divorcees
Marriage, because your tulipty day doesn’t have to end at work.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Women: If a man remembers your eye colour after the first date,
You probably have small tits.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I got to work a bit late this morning. "You should have been here 3 hours ago!" my boss screamed. I asked, "Why? What happened?"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they lay bigger eggs if they're plugged into the mains.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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