Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut these days. But then again, few people cut their own hair...
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
I just got asked the time by an Argos delivery driver...
So I told the bastard it was between 8am and 1pm!“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
I've asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I went out to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push. She gave it everything she had until a fart that, from both sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was horrified.
"Don't worry," I said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth - isn't that right, nurse?"
"Yes," said the nurse, gagging, "but it's usually the mother, not the father."“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
I got pulled over by a female police officer. When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said...
"NOTHING"Originally posted by Stevie Wonder BoyI can't see any way to do it can you please advise?
I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.Comment
-
I saw a van with a "No tools left in this van overnight" sticker on the back.
So I broke in during the day.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
So it turns out when women say "what is WRONG with you??" it's more a rhetorical thing than an actual request for a PowerPoint presentation.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
I was in a taxi today and the driver said "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do."
Then I said "Turn left".“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
TRAINEE DOCTORS. Why not become a dentist instead by simply finishing your studies after the bit about teeth?“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
-
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,
So I made her and all her friends clean the house.“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
Partners
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Streamline Your Retirement with iSIPP: A Solution for Contractor Pensions Sep 1 09:13
- Making the most of pension lump sums: overview for contractors Sep 1 08:36
- Umbrella company tribunal cases are opening up; are your wages subject to unlawful deductions, too? Aug 31 08:38
- Contractors, relabelling 'labour' as 'services' to appear 'fully contracted out' won't dupe IR35 inspectors Aug 31 08:30
- How often does HMRC check tax returns? Aug 30 08:27
- Work-life balance as an IT contractor: 5 top tips from a tech recruiter Aug 30 08:20
- Autumn Statement 2023 tipped to prioritise mental health, in a boost for UK workplaces Aug 29 08:33
- Final reminder for contractors to respond to the umbrella consultation (closing today) Aug 29 08:09
- Top 5 most in demand cyber security contract roles Aug 25 08:38
- Changes to the right to request flexible working are incoming, but how will contractors be affected? Aug 24 08:25
Comment