Please put more jokes here

[shaunbhoy]

A bloke is being interviewed for a job, the interviewer asks him his name.
He replies "It's David ***** Boll*cks Tw*t ***** P*ssflaps Turner"
The interviewer asks "Do you suffer from Tourettes David"?
The bloke replied "No, but the Vicar at my christening did"

[shaunbhoy]

After shagging Kylie Minogue yesterday.
I think there are two things, you all need to know..??
Firstly, she really is as Sexy as Hell,
Secondly the Staff at Madam Tussauds are miserable bastards, with no sense of Humour...!!

[shaunbhoy]

When I was in the pub last night I overheard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman!
What a pair of sexist twats. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the ******** thing!

[shaunbhoy]

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

[shaunbhoy]

"The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew on their army knife."

[shaunbhoy]

Wife told me the best way to enjoy strawberries, is to dust with icing sugar and pile cream on top.
Pile cream tastes bloody awful by the way

[shaunbhoy]

"Boss, I've got a probl-"
"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities"
"Oh, ok. I've got a serious drinking opportunity"

[mudskipper]

A man walks into a bakery. All the cakes in the shop are a pound except for one, which costs two pounds.
So he asks the baker "Why is it two pounds?".
"That one?" the baker replies. "That's madeira cake."

[BrilloPad]

The raea in Nandos between the front and back door is called the peri-peri-neum.

[BrilloPad]

MF judges his weight by BMI. AS long as he weighs less than a plane....