Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

"Jeopardy" replied Paddy
"Where the **** is that?" asked Mick
"I'm not too sure but I just heard on the news that there's hundreds of jobs there"

[vetran]

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama."

Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!"

Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."

But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!"

Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."

Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!"

Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol -- this is a job for Mama!"

[vetran]

It took years for Thomas Edison to perfect the light bulb.

But that's because he was working in the dark.

[vetran]

I went to the doctor earlier and I said to him, "Doctor, I have watched the New Wonder Woman movie 20 Times since its release, bought wonder woman dolls and souvenirs and I have had to leave my desk at work to go to the bathroom to have a wank as I just cant stop thinking about her"

The doctor then said to me, "I have terrible news for you son, I think you have a heroine addiction"

[vetran]

Thinking of getting a job in porn
Apparently there are a lot of openings.

[vetran]

A canvasser knocked on my door today. He said, "If another General Election were called tomorrow, who would you vote for?"

I replied, "No-one."

He said, "Is that because you feel disillusioned with the state of democracy in Britain today?"

I replied, "No, it's because I'm taking the kids to Alton Towers tomorrow."

[vetran]

As a child I used to have an obsession with Posh Spice.

It cost my parents a fortune in saffron.

[vetran]

How thick are the parents of these kids who think that cheese comes from plants and fish fingers come from chickens?

Every one knows they come from Iceland,

[vetran]

Top Ten Reasons For Being English
1. Two World Wars and one World Cup
2. Proper beer
3. You can confuse everyone with the rules for cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously
5. Union Jack Underpants
6. You can live in the past and imagine that you're still a world power
7. You can bathe once a week whether you need to or not
8. You can change your underwear once a week whether you need to or not
9. Beats being Scottish
10. Beats being Welsh

[vetran]

What's Elron John and Richard Hammond got in common?
They've both got skidmarks on their helmets...