My Grandad gave me some sound advice when he was on his deathbed.
He said "it's worth investing in some decent speakers".
He said "it's worth investing in some decent speakers".
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -
My mate just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.
(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I came home from shopping today to find my wife and her two fat mates eating doritos on the couch, I mumbled under my breath "fat ******* cows" she said "what did you just say?!" I replied "you herd"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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For SueEllen
How can anybody belong to a religion where some of its adherents believe in beheading people? Why can't they belong to something nice like the Church of England, founded by our very own Henry the Eigh.....oh tulip.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Three women go out for a meal
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and one have been married for 20+ years.
They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went:
The engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then the married woman shared her story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said...
"What's for dinner, BatmanAlways forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I used a phone box to make a call today for the first time in years.
It was raining and I wanted to keep my mobile dry.Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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I was in the pub playing snooker when some bloke asked, "What's the hardest thing about playing snooker?"I replied, "Trying to convince the wife that the dog wants to take a cue with him on his walk."Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Comment
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Originally posted by Stevie Wonder BoyComment
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[Cottage in the woods]
Daddy Bear:"Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy Bear:"Nice try. Who's hair is this, you bastard?"“The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”Comment
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