Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.

She's reach the gate.... and she's off!!!

[LondonManc]

I once did some research and found that 8 out of 10 women use Pantene in the shower. The other two screamed and asked me to get out of their bathroom.

[vetran]

For MF

I went to the doctors today and he said,

" Your too fat, ever thought about walking 2 miles to lose weight."

So i tried it, now i dont mind doing it cos 2 miles from my house is a chip shop

[vetran]

For the spelling Nazis

T.V advert says, It's not Christmas without M & S.
I know, then it would be Chrita.

[vetran]

Interesting perspective

I don't understand Christians.
They say that gambling is wrong, but they bet their entire life on there being a heaven.

[vetran]

For MP

I just changed my g string tonight for the first time in 8 months.












I also changed my a, d, b, low e and high e strings too, guitar sounds so much better now.

[vetran]

proper fathering

Ironing done.

Hoovering done.

Washing done.

Dusting done.

Kids bathed.

Kids in bed.

Perfect!






Now I can leave the pub.

[vetran]

for our bremainers

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?






None, they just smash up the whole room because they didn't vote for a broken bulb.

[vetran]

NSFW

A man asks his wife if he can cum in her ear .
She says, " No, I'll go deaf. "

He says , " Funny , I always cum in your mouth and you never shut up. "

[vetran]

I wouldn't say it's easy living with erectile dysfunction.

But it's not hard.