Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

One for Zeity

I've just found out that my local all-you-can-eat restaurant has got mice.

I've had about 7 but I'm getting full now.

[vetran]

One for the benchies

I'm a bit like Bob Geldof when it comes to Mondays.

Smelly,lonely and unemployed.

[vetran]

Women think men don't look for inner beauty.


We do.That's why we've got a penis.

[vetran]

My girlfriend was in a good mood, and told me that she was willing to fulfill one of my deeper sexual fantasies. I told her that I wanted to try anal.

She was taken aback.

[vetran]

one for suity

I was just setting up my new DJ decks when my wife walked in. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

"Setting up my new decks," I replied.

"Not in ******* here you're not," she said, kicking off. "This is the kids' bedroom."

"Can I put them in the shed then?" I asked.

"Of course you can, you daft sod," she replied. "You don't even have to ask."

"Great!" I replied, before shouting down the stairs, "Kids, you're sleeping in the shed from now on."

[vetran]

I've just got home from a week in Florence.

Zebedee wasn't too happy about it.

[vetran]

I've just been fired from my retail job

I don't know what I'm more upset about: the fact I've been given the sack or the fact they charged me 5p for it

[vetran]

For MF, the moobs probably confused them!

I saw a woman wearing a sash that said, "Miss America."

I walked up to her and said, "You should go back there then."

[vetran]

I was sat on the priority seat on the bus when a fat pregnant woman approached and started tutting at me. I immediately jumped up and offered her my place adding "Congratulations"

"Thank you" she smiled. "I'm very excited"

"No" I replied. "I'm impressed you found someone that'd **** you".

[BigRed]

My girlfriend was in a good mood, and told me that she was willing to fulfill one of my deeper sexual fantasies. I told her that I wanted to try anal.

She was taken aback.

I thought she was going to ask which sized strap-on you preferred.