Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I kept telling my blonde girlfriend that I couldn't actually f*** her brains out.

It just went in one ear and out the other.

[vetran]

Reports saying that Muslim extremism is occurring in schools in Birmingham are wrong.

It's actually Birming

Muslims can't have ham.

[vetran]

For Norrahe

I just hung up a picture of a cat in my apartment.

"What happened to the picture of Buddha you had?" asked my girlfriend.

I told her, "That was Zen, this is Meow."

[vetran]

I've noticed that some footballers now wear a different coloured boot on each foot.

Once they've learned left from right, their next step will be how to tie the laces.

[vetran]

I run a charity called 'Help the undead'.

We've raised thousands so far.

[vetran]

People talk about sex offenders and laws to notify when a paedophile is moving into the area.

Why can't we go back to the good old days, when paedophiles were identified on national television each day..

... as presenters.

[vetran]

and one from Old Greg

When it comes to masturbation, my advice is never ask to borrow a pair of socks in my house.

[vetran]

And Brillo

Women always say that men cannot multitask.

Which is great as my wife will fully believe I'm going to her sister's later to just 'put up shelves'.

[vetran]

From Keith Floyd

I've just found the perfect recipe for beef and ale pie.

1. Drink all the ale.
2. Then realise you can't be arsed cooking any more.
3. Phone for a pizza.

[vetran]

I went on McVities website earlier, and was relieved to find that they have a cookie policy.


a big shout out for

sickipedia.org

I keep using their jokes and you are missing all the links to the videos of Miley Cyrus in her birthday suit.