Please put more jokes here

[wendigo100]

There are two guys talking.

The first one says: “You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a c***. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a c***. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a c***, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a c***. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest c*** in the world.”


The second guy thinks about this for a while.

“So the day you met me you thought I was a c***?”

“Yep.”

“And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .”

“Right.”

“And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .”

“You got it.”

“And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .”

“Uh-huh.”

“So how comes,” he says, triumphantly, “I’m only the second biggest c*** in the world?”

...



...
















The first guy looks at him with total contempt. “Because you’re a c***,” he says.

[Gonzo]

There was another version of this on here recently, but what the hell:

A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barman asks "What's your name? Have you had a good day?"

The duck answers "My name's Huwey. I've had a good day, done a bit of this and that and bin in and out of puddles all day so life doesn't get better than that for a duck"


Another duck walks into the bar and orders a pint. The barman asks "What's your name? Have you had a good day?" The duck answers "My name is Dewey. I've had a good day. Got into puddles a couple of times so I am happy."

A third duck walks into the bar, The barman says "Let me guess, your name must be Louiy".

"no" she says, "my name is Puddles"

[ChimpMaster]

Thanks guys & gals, very funny so far

[Scuba]

Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

So that's what Rich did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

[Swamp Thing]

A man walks into a bar....ouch.

Geordie version: "A man walks into an iron bar like......hang on that's not reet"..

[ChimpMaster]

It's been too long, lets have some more!

[Maxamus]

two cannibals sit down to eat.

One says to the other "i hate my mother-in-law"

The other replies "just eat your chips then"











I'll get me coat

[wobbegong]

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?".

[wobbegong]

A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".

[Maxamus]

A guy walks into a bakers' shop, he says, "I'd like a loaf of bread, please". The baker asks "Brown or White?", he says "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside".

i dont get it. explain