Originally posted by richard-af
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IGMC.
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Yeah, I reckon he should get Hon-da bike and get outta here!!!
IGMC."If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier" -
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"If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier"Comment
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Originally posted by daviejones View PostJeez, your a tough critic!!!!!
you're
And a tough pedantic git, too!Comment
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Amongst other things I guess!!!!!Originally posted by richard-af View Post you're
And a tough pedantic git, too!
"If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier"Comment
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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday
night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like
to go out and make love for the first time .
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks
the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy
quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still
no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes
with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea
your father was a pharmacist."Comment
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The Irishman's Wish
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, "I want two more of these."Comment
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A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."Comment
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Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.
Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. All he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.
Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life.
He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that.
The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie.
Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "Is it over?" he asked. "Is the year 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?"
The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet.
"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?"
"Well," said the spokesman. "The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL".Comment
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