Grin

[Swiss Tony]

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three IT Contractors and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying ''Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now....''

[Moscow Mule]

This is offensive in so many ways....

Hitler arrives at the Pearly Gates, but it's St Peter's day off so Jesus is manning the entry to Heaven,

"Hitleib, Hitloeb, no Hitler on the list I'm afraid, I can't let you in - sorry"

Hitler Replies,

"Oh, go on, I've done great works in my life - could you not have a word with the big man?"

"Ok, I'll see what I can do" Jesus replies, and tramps up the stairs

"Dad?"

"YES SON" replies God,

"I've got this bloke at the gates, says his name's Hitler, Adolf Hitler, and that he's done great works in his life - he's not on the list, but can we let him in?

"ADOLF HITLER - JESUS, YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT. ADOLF HITLER EXECUTED MILLIONS OF JEWS, THERE"S NO WAY HE'S GETTING IN"

"Ok, sorry, I'll go and tell him"

So Jesus gets back down the steps and informs Hitler of the bad news

Hitler replies that he'll give Jesus his highest accolade if he lets him in. Jesus considers the proposition for a while then heads back upstairs to check with the big man,

"Dad?"

"YES JESUS?" (a little tired of Jesus now)

"Hitlers says he'll give me his highest accolade if we let him in, the Iron Cross"

God replies in disgust,

"**** OFF JESUS, YOU COULDN"T EVEN MANAGE A WOODEN ONE"