Grin

[Orangutan]

This woman is taking a bath, hears a knock at the door, she doesn't really want to get out of the bath, so shouts out "Who's there?",

"Blind man" comes the reply

so she gets out of the bath and goes to see what he wants and opens the door

"nice t1ts love, do you want any blinds ?"

[Orangutan]

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes ?
A: No idea (eye-dear)

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs ?
A: Still no idea

Q: What to you call a dear with no eyes, no legs and no dick ?
A: still no ******* idea

[Barriebazg]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Growernotashower]

(in a cockney accent)

Why did Nivea Cream?

Because Max Factor!

[Burdock]

A bloke goes into a barber's with his young daughter. While he's having his hair cut, his daughter sits on a chair eating a cake. At one point she drops her cake on the floor.

"Little girl", says the barber, "you're gonna get hair on your muffin"

"I know", she replies, "I'm gonna get tits too"

[Kyajae]

A dad and his 11 year old boy walk into a chemist. The boy points to the counter area showing a variety of condoms and asks “Dad what are they for”? Not wanting to appear embarrassed in front of the shop keeper and to be a modern dad, he explains to his son what condoms are and why men buy them.

“Well dad”, asks the boy “why are those sold in packets of three”. The dad replies, “Well, son, they’re for older teenager boys who need one on a Friday, one on a Saturday and one on a Sunday”

“Well dad”, asks the boy “why are those sold in packets sixes”. The dad replies, “Well, son, they’re for young men who need two on a Friday, two on a Saturday and two on a Sunday”

“Well dad”, asks the boy “why are those sold in packets of twelve”. The dad replies, “Well, son, they’re for older men like me; one for January, one for February, one for March…………”

[wendigo100]

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes ?
A: No idea (eye-dear)

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs ?
A: Still no idea

Q: What to you call a dear with no eyes, no legs and no dick ?
A: still no ******* idea

Deer

Now I get it.

[Chugnut]

A bloke goes into a barber's with his young daughter. While he's having his hair cut, his daughter sits on a chair eating a cake. At one point she drops her cake on the floor.

"Little girl", says the barber, "you're gonna get hair on your muffin"

"I know", she replies, "I'm gonna get tits too"

That's excellent.




A deformed and ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the Bartender.

"I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by The railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks; like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night . all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the Bartender. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno...never found the head."

[BillHicksRIP]

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in court for divorce proceedings. After making his plea for an annulment, the judge address Mickey..."Mr Mouse. I can't allow your marriage to be annulled simply on the basis that your wife has buck teeth". Mickey replies, "I never said that. I said she's f**king Goofy".

[The Farmer]

A family are driving behind a dustcart when suddenly a dildo flies out and hits the car windscreen.

Embarassed and in an attempt to protect her son's innocence the mother declares:

"Don't be alarmed it was just an insect"

to which her son replies:

"I'm surprised it can fly with a cock that big"