A silly thread

[xoggoth]

The updated CUK hack

Changes now apply to posts within general:

General

Changes so far:
Brexit -> Brilliant
Remainer -> Ruminant
tax -> theft
Macron -> Macaroni cheese eating surrender monkey
xoggoth -> xoggoth the genius

[xoggoth]

Doctor Doolittle

Thought I was getting rather good at talking to the animals but something went wrong badly today.

Went by a field of sheep and said hello (baaah!). Got a reply and did another baah. Then lots of sheep started making noises and there was a big variation in tones and length that I tried to copy just to be friendly.

Got past the field and lots of sheep were baahing loudly. I looked back and they were all standing at the fence glaring at me. I obviously got something wrong and insulted them.

Have to check out my sheep translator and go back to apologise.

[mudskipper]

‘Practically perfect in every way’: Mary Poppins crosswalk lights – Boing Boing

Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious.

Could we have traffic lights for other CUK members too? Not sure how SimonMac's would work.

[BrilloPad]

‘Practically perfect in every way’: Mary Poppins crosswalk lights – Boing Boing

Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious.

Could we have traffic lights for other CUK members too? Not sure how SimonMac's would work.

Would yours be a big mac?

[mudskipper]

Would yours be a big mac?

Works for me.

[xoggoth]

Imaginary violence is better than the real thing

A long time ago I had a dispute with my neighbour and used to fantasize about killing him. Apparently this is perfectly normal when people are involved in stressful disputes. Most never actually do it but a few do.

I never killed him in boring ways but made up my own methods. I had a Star Trek transporter device that allowed me to connect any two areas of space to do him in in all sorts of ways that could not be traced to me - join his stagnant pond to the inlet of his heart giving him a horrible infection, drop his truck 100ft onto his bedroom, connect a space in front of a shooting range target to a space just behind his head etc.

Potentially violent sorts should attend counseling sessions to channel their thoughts of real violence into silly violence. Maybe a time machine that will drop their enemy in front of a T Rex. Or among Ottoman prisoners of Vlad the Impaler. He won't like it up him!

[xoggoth]

Hacking to tackle terrorism

We keep reading about how easy it is to find online videos on how to make a bomb. If internet companies keep taking them down the terrorists are just going to look elsewhere and it won't be long before more pop up.

Maybe a better solution would be for them to hack these sites and just change the content. If a terrorist shouts "Allahu Akbar" in a crowded market and pulls the fuse on a bomb made of porridge and cat litter the authorities can apprehend him with no risk to the public.

[xoggoth]

Another solution to terrorism

Legalise it!

However, to be able to legally perform a terrorist attack you first have to apply for a terrorism permit, equivalent in complexity to applying for planning permission for a host of new houses in a green belt area. With all the form filling, dealing with appeals and spending a fortune on lawyers, most terrorists will give up before the permit is granted, thus saving many lives.

[xoggoth]

Don't want to turn this silly thread into a silly old farts thread (What do you mean, it already is? how dare you!!) but was looking at solutions for arthritis.

Apparently eating broccoli can prevent onset of the condition. Broccoli, as everyone knows, makes you fart more.

Maybe the beneficial effect of Broccoli is not a direct one, the reduction in symptoms happens just because you fart more. Perhaps childhood rhymes are a more reliable guide than some of those "independent" reviews. Beans, beans, good for the heart....

If you want to be healthy, don't waste your time exercising, just fart more!!!

[BrilloPad]

What is the difference between this thread and tpd?