The worst contractor you have ever worked with or heard about

[Scratch It]

'Back in the day' I understood that the alcohol in deodorant was an issue for those belonging to a particular faith. At University I had a house mate who showered numerous times a day to avoid the stench. These days though alcohol free offerings are everywhere. An anonymous 'gift' of a can of Nivea deodorant may send the message!

[tractor]

....

I failed* my elf & safetea qualification coz I didn't know the difference between risk & hazard.

Sounds like I'm eminently qualified for the job.



*It may be a total coincidence that I was distinctly unmotivated to pass said qual. It cost them about £50 for me to fail.

Yes, but you would expect someone with corporate responsibility to know the difference.

[Doggy Styles]

I have encountered all these people at my current client.

The renegade - A contractor who doesn't do what he's told. He laughs at the fact he's useless at 'admin', like recording what he's doing and saving his work on the network instead of his laptop. One end-customer complaint was impossible for us to address because, we later discovered, the communications relating to it were only in his Exchange account and he was on holiday. We've complained about him in the past, but he somehow got one more chance each time. He's been moved to a sister project now, but that didn't stop him making lots of unauthorised changes to the work of a colleague of mine because he 'thought it was a good idea'. Which we had to back out the hard way because he didn't tell anyone, and by the time it was discovered a lot of further work was carried out to the files on top of what he'd done.

The programme manager - A permie who never did anything useful. In the past he'd refuse to discuss planning, fell asleep in meetings, and once (literally) locked a woman in a room with him as he tried to talk her into becoming a manager to do all his work for him. He was one of those who'd come in late and munch through one or two bowls of breakfast cereal at his desk in the open-plan office, then leave early. The client has just made him redundant.

The lesser-spotted one - Hardly seen for six months, he then became a management permy, for some reason favoured over another 'internal' contractor candidate who was the one who was actually running the project. He continued to be rarely seen for the next few months, then disappeared altogether for several weeks. A few more appearances followed but we haven't seen him for nearly a year. As he's now permie, he's still on the staff.

The eater - Several of these. What is it with loudly scoffing crisps etc or bringing smelly food like curry or fish and chips into the office?

[Cenobite]

The eater - Several of these. What is it with loudly scoffing crisps etc or bringing smelly food like curry or fish and chips into the office?

Reminds me of a contract programmer I worked with some years ago. Real fat bloke and was eating junk food continuously with his mouth open when you talked to him. Then when his work wasn't up to scratch he started bringing in doughnuts for everyone in the hope it would keep them off his back and not slag him off too much.

You'd often hear him snorting at his desk: not because of any medical problem, just because he was too lazy to get a tissue.

For the first few weeks I would be talking with him and think "what's that smell?" Then I eventually noticed that he used to walk around the open plan office with no shoes or socks on. I really couldn't believe this guy: it's not as if he was much cop at his job and even the PM clocked that one.

[Cenobite]

And another one: I was working in an open plan office which allowed for very little personal space. One of the other contractors there had a really loud voice and insisted on taking mobile calls from agents all day at his desk. So every now and then you'd hear him say "my rate's £500" which would really miff the permies who could all hear this.

Also he'd bang on about how he'd always been made redundant at places which made him sound like a bit of a failure. His contract wasn't renewed after the initial three months. Mind you I walked a week later because the place was a total dump.

[SussexSeagull]

Developer who lasted a week contracting for an insurance company as it wasn't very creative. Not entirely sure what he was expecting.

[SueEllen]

Developer who lasted a week contracting for an insurance company as it wasn't very creative. Not entirely sure what he was expecting.

S/he should have found the claims handlers. Then s/he would have heard some creative stories including those customers who "advertise" their business on Watchdog/Cowboy Builders/national newspaper......

[vetran]

Was she by any chance involved in a project with an outsourced dev team in Bangalore, doing a Siebel configuration?

If so then she should not have been sacked but applauded for only resorting to alcohol. Tranquilizers could have been justified even.

we were on the same contract

[TestMangler]

Worked with this mental loud Geordie character back in the early 90's at a Life Insurance Co in Edinburgh.

He had to do telephone support for branches and used to get angrier and angrier during every call, getting more and more loud and unintelligible Geordie as each call progressed. Most calls would end with him shouting "eee fa fook sake pet, can ye na listen tee whit am sayin' like..."

His crowning glory was going shopping for his wife's Christmas present on the last working day before the holidays started and buying her a set of two matching saucepans.

[northernladuk]

Worked with this mental loud Geordie character back in the early 90's at a Life Insurance Co in Edinburgh.

He had to do telephone support for branches and used to get angrier and angrier during every call, getting more and more loud and unintelligible Geordie as each call progressed. Most calls would end with him shouting "eee fa fook sake pet, can ye na listen tee whit am sayin' like..."

His crowning glory was going shopping for his wife's Christmas present on the last working day before the holidays started and buying her a set of two matching saucepans.

Sounds like you that does.