New pimp strategy

[suityou01]

It seems more and more I get called up by a foetus. Thin reedy voice, asking if I have any experience with ERP, or C Hash. You ask which ERP and things go from bad to worse.

Then you get asked all the mundane crap and feel like saying did you actually read my CV?

Then, and here comes the punchline, I'm happy that you are someone we can work with, so I will now add you to the "long list" and pass you across to one of the senior recruiters.

Anyone else notice pimps are hiring youngsters to do the shortlisting, and general ring arounds?

The following questions do not need to be asked :

1) Are you looking?
Well einstein, I did just update my CV on the boards and apply for a role you advertised so I'd say there's a pretty good chance I am, yes.

2) What rate are you looking for.
After brief search on my application, rate discovered lurking in the "Required rate" field.

3) What sort of role are you looking for?
Funnily enough, the same one I applied for. And yes, of course, anything similar.

4) Is it only contract roles you are looking for?
No, I'd like to take a massive pay cut and have regular one to ones and 360 degree peer reviews. So glad you asked, I've seen what I'm missing.

5) What did you do in your last role?
Do you know I've forgotten! It's a good thing I wrote it down. Yes it's here somewhere. Ah yes it's on page 1 of this funny looking document titled "CV". Do you have a copy? You do!! Oh wonderful, be a dear AND FOOKING READ PAGE 1 YOU TIT!!!

[amcdonald]

The following questions do not need to be asked :

1) Are you looking?
No I just like winding up agents
2) What rate are you looking for.
As much as I can get
3) What sort of role are you looking for?
Anything that pays a lot more than my current contract
4) Is it only contract roles you are looking for?
No I'd be willing to stay at home and do nothing for the right number of millions
5) What did you do in your last role?
Taken timewasting calls from agents

FTFY

[DirtyDog]

Anyone else notice pimps are hiring youngsters to do the shortlisting, and general ring arounds?

I had a LinkedIn connection this week from someone who graduated last year, and has had a three month placement at Adecco before moving to Spring.

His personal profile summary bit mentions how he is a drummer in a band. His work history highlights his job as a "Sales Operative" working for Ted Baker, building his knowledge of the brand and interacting with many customers to help develop brand loyalty in a shop with an average turnover in excess of £300k.

Why on Earth would I possibly connect to such a person???

[amcdonald]

I had a LinkedIn connection this week from someone who graduated last year, and has had a three month placement at Adecco before moving to Spring.

His personal profile summary bit mentions how he is a drummer in a band. His work history highlights his job as a "Sales Operative" working for Ted Baker, building his knowledge of the brand and interacting with many customers to help develop brand loyalty in a shop with an average turnover in excess of £300k.

Why on Earth would I possibly connect to such a person???

So they can use you for sales leads

[DirtyDog]

5) What did you do in your last role?

You assume that they have even bothered to download / print / look at your CV rather than just having your name and contact number being kicked out from some keyword matching software.

[DimPrawn]

I'm getting more and more calls on an overly compressed crackly line to Delhi, where Bob Shawadiwadi's nephew asks me in what can only be described as Hinglish, if I want to earn £20K a year working for a consultancy with work in Birmingham.

WTF is happening? Are our agents so ******* useless that this can replace them?

[amcdonald]

I'm getting more and more calls on an overly compressed crackly line to Delhi, where Bob Shawadiwadi's nephew asks me in what can only be described as Hinglish, if I want to earn £20K a year working for a consultancy with work in Birmingham.

WTF is happening? Are our agents so ******* useless that this can replace them?

To be fair I don't think bobs could be any worse

[suityou01]

I'm getting more and more calls on an overly compressed crackly line to Delhi, where Bob Shawadiwadi's nephew asks me in what can only be described as Hinglish, if I want to earn £20K a year working for a consultancy with work in Birmingham.

WTF is happening? Are our agents so ******* useless that this can replace them?

You mean, Dodgy's gonna get bobbed

[MarillionFan]

OP. You know what you need to do.....

[DimPrawn]

OP. You know what you need to do.....

He'd rather have his right arm cut off than that!