Advice please

[TheFaQQer]

Be calm and smile at her.

Give her some of your daft and silly homilies that grace your posts here.

Shine benignly at her Buddah style.

(Your misogynistic streak is showing through, I'd watch that if I were you.)

This

[Old Greg]

I'll pass her on buddy...black bag required and a muzzle.

We all know Dim's not much of a looker, but that is a little harsh.

[Troll]

[bobspud]

Now then dudes, some input please.

Getting lots of jip of some fulgy little hilter bint at work with more chips than McCains. Been very calm so far (see left), but reached the end of the line. Already offered her my job if she wants to try - although the in-bred slag can't even work Excel nevermind highly complex SQL on big data. Very rude and aggressive and spreads BS around the office to non-technical stuff putting dev team down despite the team delivering on highly complex requirements and being under-resourced.

On the warpath next week...

What is her job in relation to yours?

I got a really interesting shift in my own perception by a quite bright B/A. Having gone round the theory of how you use a cloud environment for the fortieth time or more and hitting the same old brick walls. He took me to one side and said look you need to treat them as epically stupid and paint you thoughts in very tiny steps. You are making the assumption that everyone in the room can keep up with you. ( it was a technical audience so I thought they probably should)

What you need to do is take her wind out of her sails. If she is continually complaining its probably because she is also trying to make herself look bright. So what you do is take away her ability to complain by doing a few things.

1) Don't take on the world and do everything thats possible set your team to no more than 60% capacity with the other 40% used to stay on the front foot and anticipate requests. Under perform for a bit and bring the expectations down some. Using phrases like we are over burdened for tasks at the moment or we really need some time to think about what we are being committed to because we might not be in a position to deliver. Its not a natural place for a clever person to be but trust me. Set your stack to suit your needs not someone that wants to overload you and slag you off for not delivering

2) Now you have set expectations really low you can ignore work requests from this woman because you have already established the fact that you are busy and working like dogs. I presume that her Excel sheets need data from your sources to work so now she is stuffed... Once she is really screaming because you can control her work load. Now you can reintroduce taking work from her but demand that she sends you an email with her exact requirements and a then negotiate a sensible time for that detail to be returned to her. (Hit that deadline using your 40% spare time and make sure you BCC her boss into the conversation showing how well you respond to her needs and how well it is done)

3) The next time she goes shouting off about your team go and see her and point out that her Boss gets every email you send her and if she doesn't pack it in you will be involving him to put her back in line as you have met every demand that she has placed on you despite being incredibly busy etc...

[lukemg]

Whats in it for me ? At work, use this as a guiding philosophy for any cause of action, especially in a tight spot.
Going into battle with seniors/permies very rarely ends well for the contractor - even if everyone else hates them too.
You want a renewal ? - play the game, if necessary go work to rule and get someone else to determine what is done when, retreat back to just doing what is requested, forget showing initiative, taking responsibility - Are you getting paid the premium to do this ?
As ever, think Fletch in Porridge, 100 ways to look entirely compliant and helpful while letting the nobber in question drive over a cliff.

[Gibbon]

As ever, think Fletch in Porridge, 100 ways to look entirely compliant and helpful while letting the nobber in question drive over a cliff.

Ah dumb ignorance, a wonderful defence for the subordinate against tyrannical superiors, especially in the armed forces.

Many, and I mean many, moons ago Corporal Gibbon was posted in an electronic servicing section (Radar). One summer we were light on work as one of the squadrons was away on detachment; so the CO Sqn Ldr BornfromtheSeedofHitler decided he would like his and the other offices’ doors repainted by the night shift over the next coming weeks. As always the tulip jobs were fairly dished out and LAC YoungestAndNewest was assigned the task in hand. Well he really fecked it up, runs and drips all over the place, but what surprised us was the awful bollocking he got from BSH, I mean really awful, the poor lad was in tears literally. So I was ‘volunteered’ to do the job by Sgt BumLickerExtraordinaire. I was pretty pissed at this and so deliberately made an even worse job of it. The next night the awful bollocking came my way to which I replied that I was an electronics technician and I’d not trained as a painter and decorator. That wasn’t the end of the matter as BSH gave me a 30 min demo of how to paint a door so I had no excuse now not to do a ‘proper job’. So I rubbed the door down and then proceeded to do a really good job making extra sure to get plenty of paint on the edges and doorway. The next night BSH inspected his door and patronisingly praised the good job I had done and didn’t I feel a sense of pride in a job well done blah de blah. I was dismissed and had got halfway down the corridor when I heard ‘CORPORAL, GET BACK HERE NOW!’
By now I could hardly contain myself ‘ What’s the matter sir?’ I asked ‘Do you not like your door now?’, ‘yes I like the door, but now it won’t fecking well shut!’

He gave up at that point and got the station paint shop to them.

[SimonMac]

She probably just needs a good hard shag.

I'm afraid you are just going to have to lie forward and think of England.....

+1

What is her role? Or supposed role and how does it effect you?

[norrahe]

Now then dudes, some input please.

Getting lots of jip of some fulgy little hilter bint at work with more chips than McCains. Been very calm so far (see left), but reached the end of the line. Already offered her my job if she wants to try - although the in-bred slag can't even work Excel nevermind highly complex SQL on big data. Very rude and aggressive and spreads BS around the office to non-technical stuff putting dev team down despite the team delivering on highly complex requirements and being under-resourced.

On the warpath next week...

Why don't you ask her if ''it's that time of the month'', I'm sure she'll be more accommodating then

[vetran]

ask her if she wants to join a golf club?Make her feel included.

[fullyautomatix]

Oh FFS, just bend her over the office desk and shag her rotten. Should sort it out.

<FA, solving office issues for blokes since 1965>