Still on bench and might have to sleep on it as well

[Gibbon]

Cuz she don't work so cannae pay and I don't want to lose the house just cuz I am on bench for a few weeks.

Besides my lawyer told me it was in my interest to pay it....

How are you going to feel when her new boyfriend moves in, it will happen sooner or later?

[lukemg]

So - tell me about that great marriage thing again, how does that differ from putting your spuds in a vice covered in spikes and handing the control of it to your missus ?
Worst of all - She just decides grass is greener/ some wayne is sniffing round etc. 3 months later, wayne is watching your big telly, sat on your sofa, nobbing your missus and raising your kids while you bankroll the lot....
Oh and trust me - they are all capable of making your life hell once their 'mates' start working on them.
No concerns at all with supporting kids and their mother but coughing over 70% ? There is something wrong with this picture...
Yeah - I know there are plenty of men who are scum too, I am talking about the numerous blokes I know who get bounced back to the first square on the board with nothing to show for 25 years of work, while their missus carries on better than before.
oh - Good luck all...

[CoolCat]

Yep divorce settlements and custody decisions are very anti men in this country. Its gone full cycle and needs a correction to be more balanced.

[Paddy]

Don’t take too much notice from solicitors, they are just after your money. I would strongly advise you not to pay the mortgage and force the sale of the property. Get a clean break and if you can’t get a clean break leave the country. The last thing you need is paying for a property that you can’t live in and it will be more difficult to get her out later.

[MPwannadecentincome]

You hear this a lot and I'm sure that the law does favour women in these situations, probably because it's still true that in the majority of families the woman is the primary caregiver, so that's the underlying assumption. As you've said your wife doesn't work, I'm guessing this is the case with you too, and, that if you're in contract, you'd probably struggle to have sole responsibility for the kids too.

I have a male friend who got custody of his kids so it does happen.

If you got the house and the kids, and your wife moved out, would you feel you'd won?

(Not intending to have a go, genuinely curious if that's a situation you'd consider to be better)

good question certainly better from a mental wellbeing point of view but financially not very secure option with no other relatives to help look after kids. also court will take into account what kids want and they want to stay with Mummy as she has no house rules!

[MPwannadecentincome]

How are you going to feel when her new boyfriend moves in, it will happen sooner or later?

1. any equity she retains I will be able to realise this when kids reach a certain age and the court agreement will say they have to leave and trade down to smaller house.

2. If boyfriend moves in I think I can stop paying her maintenance - I need to check with lawyer - first things first to get a roof over my head - not easy when unemployed and rapidly dwindling bank account.

[SimonMac]

Don’t take too much notice from solicitors, they are just after your money. I would strongly advise you not to pay the mortgage and force the sale of the property. Get a clean break and if you can’t get a clean break leave the country. The last thing you need is paying for a property that you can’t live in and it will be more difficult to get her out later.

Sorry but earlier he mentioned he had kids so I would certainly hope he doesn't go down this route unless absolutely unavoidable

[MPwannadecentincome]

Don’t take too much notice from solicitors, they are just after your money. I would strongly advise you not to pay the mortgage and force the sale of the property. Get a clean break and if you can’t get a clean break leave the country. The last thing you need is paying for a property that you can’t live in and it will be more difficult to get her out later.

clean break not so easy when kids involved. not paying mortgage risks repossession at a low price which means loss of equity. Don't think I will be following your advice thanks though escaping abroad, now that sounds like a good idea ;-)

[AtW]

If divorce is not finalised what legal grounds she has to kick you out of your own house using lawyers?

[MPwannadecentincome]

If divorce is not finalised what legal grounds she has to kick you out of your own house using lawyers?

long story.... but anyway I needed to move out could not stand it there any longer