Sexism - in action

[norrahe]

Get the ICE to Cologne.

I already did plenty of shopping in London when I was over there and will be again later this summer to top up the wardrobe.

[mudskipper]

Tough one. By doing nothing, he thinks his behaviour is acceptable. By complaining, you're uptight, a dyke, can't take a bit of teasing, a raging feminist or all the aforementioned.

He probably doesn't see his behaviour as sexist - he thinks he's being funny and possibly even charming.

Maybe something like "Please don't talk to me like that, this is a professional workplace, not a nightclub". I would feel inclined to say it in front of others - other women might then pluck up the courage to voice their own objections.

I can imagine a situation where one day someone reports him, and then everyone comes forward and says "yep, he did that to me too." People will be accused of jumping on the bandwagon, sticking the knife in etc. (Think Jimmy Savile et al - although not suggesting your man is in the same category!)

[Old Greg]

Is there a formal harrassmemt policy? If so print it out, highlight relevant sections and leave it on his desk.

[Dallas]

It's the finance industry, but not retail or investment banking so it's not quite as rife I guess. I've not really experienced it properly before.

It's difficult to challenge it seriously without sounding like I should be wearing dugarees.

+1

I am in finance, majority of women here are admin. Last newbie (middle aged man) didnt like that I was his peer and started on myself and 2 others, he managed to get one out the door so us remaining 2 went straight to his manager who put him back in his box

Turns out we wernt the only ones complaining about him.

My experience of men in Finance as Janet Street Porter once stated the stereotype: middle-aged, middle-weight, middle-managers.

Their ego is huge and they are generally ignored at home

[jmo21]

I'm working in a new role and have regular contact with a bloke whose actions are starting to make it difficult to get my job done, at times. He treats the women in the office hugely different to the men.

Examples of recent stuff:

- Interrupting a meeting between me and one other to lean his head round the door and say 'Mary, sweets, are we still Ok for 2pm?'. I nod and ask if he'd like to have the meeting at my desk. As I've phrased it 'Yes. Would you like to do it at my desk?' he leers in an exaggerated manner and rolls his eyes at the other person in my meeting, saying he wondered when I was going to ask.

- Calling me [and I think, the few other women about the place] 'sweets' constantly.

- Commenting on my clothes, make up, hair, shoes etc in the middle of 1:1 meetings.

None of the above stuff, or the other little things he does, upset me - it just serves to constantly, and subtly undermine me. I suspect his behaviours stem from a combination of inate sexism, and the fact that he's trying to divert me away from how crap he is at his job.

So far the only thing I've done to address it is ask politely in a meeting [between the two of us] that he please stop calling me 'sweets'. I did follow it up with a glare but he simply suggested he swap the nickname to 'honey'. I suggested that I might start to think of nicknames of my own for him, that he might not warm to either.

Advise please, dear posters??

I cringe when I read stuff like that, I hope my daughter never ends up being belittled like this when she grows up.

On the "sweets" thing. I know plenty of woman who call everyone (make and female) "darlin'.

I know men that do this too, but in our stupid machismo way, it is not acceptable to call another man that, so I don't know if that is necessarily sexist by not including woman, rather, not wanting to sound gay.

I'm not saying that perception is smart by the way.

Everything else though, totally agree

[SueEllen]

Maybe something like "Please don't talk to me like that, this is a professional workplace, not a nightclub". I would feel inclined to say it in front of others - other women might then pluck up the courage to voice their own objections.

I can imagine a situation where one day someone reports him, and then everyone comes forward and says "yep, he did that to me too." People will be accused of jumping on the bandwagon, sticking the knife in etc. (Think Jimmy Savile et al - although not suggesting your man is in the same category!)

Actually in places where I've been were a man is pointed out as being sexist other men have been very helpful.

Depending on whether the man is permie or contract they have either helped get the guy put on a different project or removed due to incompetence.

Yes it does take 2 or 3 women to complain but once they have mentioned it other people are watching the sexists' behaviour.

[Zippy]

Bloody hell - is this an episode of "Life on Mars"? He's an atavistic w*nker.

Every time he calls you "sweetie" (or some other little girl-ism) refer to him as "Grandad". Don't leave any doubt that you don't think it's funny, and you won't be playing.

[mudskipper]

Bloody hell - is this an episode of "Life on Mars"? He's an atavistic w*nker.

Every time he calls you "sweetie" (or some other little girl-ism) refer to him as "tosser". Don't leave any doubt that you don't think it's funny, and you won't be playing.

FTFY

[MaryPoppins]

Gay men don't tend to have a problem telling women they are gay. They are more careful about telling blokes especially older blokes.

Also if they are the type of person who uses terms of endearment they use it with everyone and don't single one person out.

Precisely - he calls all women 'sweets'.

As for whether he's gay or not - that's irrelevant. His discussions about hair etc are only a tactic to divert my attention away from the difficult questions I'm asking him.

He's just a twat.

[MaryPoppins]

Have to agree with this. Public put-downs and the like could lead to you being made out to be the bad guy.
Totally wrong I know, as you are indeed suffering his comments in public, but you do run the risk of being binned.

Rhubarb

Agree. He's potentially a nasty piece of work, and he's permie. I will definitely be treading carefully, and will need to keep my temper in check, sadly.