Children with ADHD. Real or bad parenting?

[GlenW]

Yes, but I keep it to the confines of this site and my cage fighting club.

You still punching budgies in your spare time then?

[BrilloPad]

You still punching budgies in your spare time then?

There is a fist involved. And budgie smugglers.

HTH

[MarillionFan]

There is a fist involved. And budgie smugglers.

HTH

Which reminds me Brillo. Michael Barrymore phoned me earlier to tell you, you're not allowed to use his pool & broom handle again when you pop over next.

[BrilloPad]

Which reminds me Brillo. Michael Barrymore phoned me earlier to tell you, you're not allowed to use his pool & broom handle again when you pop over next.

Ah. That's what you want the inflatable hot tub for. Why not use his swimming pool.

What do you mean he filled it in. Why was that?

[original PM]

I know and am related to far too many teachers for some reason and they all agree that ADHD, Asperger's, Autism do exist.

However they also all agree that sh1t parents use them as an excuse for not teaching their child to properly behave.

Back in my day dyslexia was the excuse.

[BrilloPad]

I know and am related to far too many teachers for some reason and they all agree that ADHD, Asperger's, Autism do exist.

However they also all agree that sh1t parents use them as an excuse for not teaching their child to properly behave.

Back in my day dyslexia was the excuse.

Indeed. It gives genuine cases a bad name.

But teachers go along with it for the extra funding.

HTH

[tractor]

....

I know and am related to far too many teachers for some reason and they all agree that ADHD, Asperger's, Autism do exist.

However they also all agree that sh1t parents use them as an excuse for not teaching their child to properly behave.

Back in my day dyslexia was the excuse.

It works both ways. My granddaughter is autistic with a couple of other related issues. Nothing is ever simple in these matters. My daughter has had a huge amount of learning to do. She had to go through several appeals before getting a proper diagnosis and several more to get the appropriate funding because the school did not support her in the matter. It was actually worse than that, they were quite obstructive.

After 2 years of struggling with the health and education authorities, she is now in a situation where she is comfortable that the child is getting the support she so badly needs. But in the preceding two years she was getting nothing of the sort, completely undermining all the effort her mum was putting in to make her life tolerable.

[MarillionFan]

It works both ways. My granddaughter is autistic with a couple of other related issues. Nothing is ever simple in these matters. My daughter has had a huge amount of learning to do. She had to go through several appeals before getting a proper diagnosis and several more to get the appropriate funding because the school did not support her in the matter. It was actually worse than that, they were quite obstructive.

After 2 years of struggling with the health and education authorities, she is now in a situation where she is comfortable that the child is getting the support she so badly needs. But in the preceding two years she was getting nothing of the sort, completely undermining all the effort her mum was putting in to make her life tolerable.

Interesting. We had seen our GP a few times in the past, then a referral about six months ago, then took him to see a specialist, a numer of questionnaires to both us and school, back to see a specialist a few times(with son in tow), discussion with the school & had an immediate positive (strong) diagnosis.

Still unsure what it means outside of some extra help at School or putting a child on Ritalin. Having spent so much time recently (cutting back on travelling, ensuring I drop the kids off, pick up and spend extra time in the early evening before working again late into the night) to watch a clever child unable to sit & do a simple test (which at home they had aced everytime for a week) fail, completely broke my heart.

Having more than one child and seeing the daily beatings work on the other one is a sure indicator that one of them isn't firing on all cylinders.

[tractor]

...

Interesting. We had seen our GP a few times in the past, then a referral about six months ago, then took him to see a specialist, a numer of questionnaires to both us and school, back to see a specialist a few times(with son in tow), discussion with the school & had an immediate positive (strong) diagnosis.

Still unsure what it means outside of some extra help at School or putting a child on Ritalin. Having spent so much time recently (cutting back on travelling, ensuring I drop the kids off, pick up and spend extra time in the early evening before working again late into the night) to watch a clever child unable to sit & do a simple test (which at home they had aced everytime for a week) fail, completely broke my heart.

Having more than one child and seeing the daily beatings work on the other one is a sure indicator that one of them isn't firing on all cylinders.

I had a nephew that was diagnosed early (too early if you ask me and I don't believe the diagnosis was correct anyway) with ADHD simply because my sister couldn't control him and he had grown 'way out of his tree' by the time he was 5. Watching from a distance much of it was the way she mollycoddled him and believed that simply nothing was his fault, it was always the fault of someone/thing else. Coupled with the fact that she was back working full time within 12 weeks of his birth was a major factor. Not that he wasn't getting the proper care, but that she was not there to witness his behaviour and its causes and effects.

By the time he was 10 he was virtually unmanageable. He was excluded from school (again) at a time when I was working from home a lot, so she asked if I could sit him while she was at work for a week. Of course, I helped out and she brought him round on the Monday, along with all his books, homework and paraphernalia. I sat him down, read his first piece of work and told him what to do.

A short time later, I checked his progress and all he had was a sheet of paper with nothing on it but scrawl, scratches and holes in where he had started 20 times and rubbed it all out again and again. When I looked, he had a pencil case with 250 different coloured pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers, protractors and god know what else. So I told him to start again and took away everything except a single pencil with no rubber on the end and told him he didn't get to do anything else until he had finished that (small) piece. Including nothing to eat!

He finished it perfectly within a half hour. I told his mum the tale and she took it on board. It wasn't a miraculous recovery or anything like but applying some simple rules certainly made a difference. he is now almost 30 and he still remembers the episode and actually recognises that it did him a lot of good to be micromanaged for a short while.

• Take away all the distractions including dumping anything electronic.
• Are you sure he likes judo? He probably hates the Japanese requirement that goes along with it.
• I bet he was bored stupid of it having been tested by computer for 2 weeks prior. Too much prep is often worse than none.
• IME it is the potential for distraction that is worse than anything.
• Bite size chunks then move to something else.
• Find out what ticks his boxes and focus on those things. You can introduce elements of discipline and concentration in almost anything to subliminally train him.
• KISS. Double negatives and long discussions based on logic do no good whatsoever.

Obviously don't take the above as gospel, I'm just letting you know what worked in my nephews case. It may be totally irrelevant to yours but I hope some of it helps.

For what its worth, he was prescribed Ritalin very early on and all that did was dull him down. Eventually his bad behaviour was down to 'he hasn't had his medicine', not his 'condition' or the fact that he was naturally a 'boundary pusher'.

[FatLazyContractor]

Sorry to hear that MF.

Try the non-medicine options before putting the kid on summat. These pills should generally be taken over a long period and will have unwanted side-effects (weight gain, skin problems).

And for once, I genuinely hope something good for you.