Newspaper

[RichardCranium]

I have a long commute every day and I have been trying various things to relieve the boredom. Any suggestions?

I had nearly forgotten about this:

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message

See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Rate passers by
(Amusement Potential: 10-15 minutes)
Secretly award passers by marks out of ten as you go along, offering (unsaid) expert criticism over their clothing, hairstyle and footwear choices.

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Pinch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Make Star Trek door noises
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
Stand by an electric door to a bank or something and make that silly "Scccccccchwop" sound heard whenever people popped on to the bridge to hang with Captain Kirk.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out.

Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)
Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.

[cailin maith]

No I think you're very dumb, cretinous in fact, since you don't seem to think that you can learn anything from serious literature.
I recommend Viz for someone at your intellectual level.

HTH

Sas, everyone is cretinous as far as you are concerned.

[RichardCranium]

I recommend Viz for someone at your intellectual level.

I disagree. I find Viz is the only remaining periodical with up-to-date political satire and scathing editorial pieces, albeit disguised as pseudo-journalism.

Mind you, this issue's Barber Papua with his knob-gourd might be pitched about right.

[sasguru]

Sas, everyone is cretinous as far as you are concerned.

Yes they are. And usually moronic to boot.

[kandr]

No I think you're very dumb, cretinous in fact, since you don't seem to think that you can learn anything from serious literature.
I recommend Viz for someone at your intellectual level.

HTH

Hahaha, I bet your bookshelf looks like the ASDA book isle...serious literature??!!, first time iv'e heard Cheryl Coles AB described as serious literature. What a moron.

[sasguru]

Hahaha, I bet your bookshelf looks like the ASDA book isle...serious literature??!!, first time iv'e heard Cheryl Coles AB described as serious literature. What a moron.

God you really are thick as 4 slab-sided planks stuck together aren't you?

[kandr]

God you really are thick as 4 slab-sided planks stuck together aren't you?

No not at all, but it's clear you are. Lets leave it at that.

[sasguru]

No not at all, .

Oh no you are. Really. Like a lot of thick people, though, you have no frame of reference on which to judge and therefore assume you are not.

HTH

[kandr]

Oh no you are. Really. Like a lot of thick people, though, you have no frame of reference on which to judge and therefore assume you are not.

HTH

My Doctorate says otherwise. Im a Doctor.

[sasguru]

My Nobel Prize says otherwise.

The quality of the recent sockies is piss poor.