Do you speak Agentese?

[Mich the Tester]

Agent sends me a request from his client. Luckily I'm still in a contract right now.

All the usual guff about 5 years experience in something that's only been around for 2 years, long list of tools for a Senior Test Manager, and the rate is described as 'as sharp as possible'. Sharp being the translation of the Dutch word 'scherp', which also refers to the sharpness of a knife.

What they mean is 'low'. Why don't they just say 'rate: low' instead of this Agentese crap?

Another bugbear is 'rate; market conform'. Just tell us how much you want to pay and then we have a basis for negotiation. Stop clouding everything in terms that you think sound businesslike when actually it's just vulgar and cheap obfuscation.

More examples please.

[Old Greg]

Agent sends me a request from his client. Luckily I'm still in a contract right now.

All the usual guff about 5 years experience in something that's only been around for 2 years, long list of tools for a Senior Test Manager, and the rate is described as 'as sharp as possible'. Sharp being the translation of the Dutch word 'scherp', which also refers to the sharpness of a knife.

What they mean is 'low'. Why don't they just say 'rate: low' instead of this Agentese crap?

Another bugbear is 'rate; market conform'. Just tell us how much you want to pay and then we have a basis for negotiation. Stop clouding everything in terms that you think sound businesslike when actually it's just vulgar and cheap obfuscation.

More examples please.

I wonder what Contractorese would be if you're an Agent?

[thunderlizard]

Calling everything an "opportunity". When a normal client phones up, they say "Our database is flaking out and we need somebody to fix it. It's in a mess so it might take a while.". That is fine. I fix databases. No surprise.

When it's an agent, for some reason the same flaky database problem has to become "An exciting SQL upgrade opportunity with excellent potential to renew".

I always imagine them calling the 24-hour plumber, offering "an exciting faecal removal opportunity utilising the latest Armitage Shanks hardware".