Calling everything an "opportunity". When a normal client phones up, they say "Our database is flaking out and we need somebody to fix it. It's in a mess so it might take a while.". That is fine. I fix databases. No surprise.
When it's an agent, for some reason the same flaky database problem has to become "An exciting SQL upgrade opportunity with excellent potential to renew".
I always imagine them calling the 24-hour plumber, offering "an exciting faecal removal opportunity utilising the latest Armitage Shanks hardware".
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Do you speak Agentese?
5Yes, I was a recruitment agent in a past life20.00%1I am an agent0.00%0No, and I'm not going to start40.00%2I speak Agentese if Andyw shoves a chutney spoon up my arse40.00%2Agent sends me a request from his client. Luckily I'm still in a contract right now.
All the usual guff about 5 years experience in something that's only been around for 2 years, long list of tools for a Senior Test Manager, and the rate is described as 'as sharp as possible'. Sharp being the translation of the Dutch word 'scherp', which also refers to the sharpness of a knife.
What they mean is 'low'. Why don't they just say 'rate: low' instead of this Agentese crap?
Another bugbear is 'rate; market conform'. Just tell us how much you want to pay and then we have a basis for negotiation. Stop clouding everything in terms that you think sound businesslike when actually it's just vulgar and cheap obfuscation.
More examples please.
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