ill-goten gains

[Platypus]

Why do you think you have to hold 6 years worth of personal bank statements? It’s not because they will get to see you for a review every 6 years. It's because when they finally do come for you that information will show them a profile of what you do and how often you do it...

The inspectors are trained to look at what you do, and then spot trends...

For instance let us say you claim 1000 miles a week business travel for your private car. They will know what you drive as they have access to the DVLA... So now you need to show how you filled the tank up (which is at least twice based on an average car doing 30mpg). When all of a sudden they start to only see one bank transaction, or they have two receipts but no bank transaction for the cash you used to pay that bill, they get to call you a crook because it’s not physically possible to do 1000 miles on one tank and you cannot show you bought two…

So they can already fine you for the mileage they just proved you didn't do and now _YOU_ have to explain how you achieved the impossible...

Same goes for your regular beer. last year you did £500 in all bar one lunch tabs but this year ....

Don't confuse them with the guys on the phone desks, they are not twunts they only do this for a living and more importantly get paid a bonus based on recovery. So they are smarter than you, and they have seen all the obvious stuff thousands of times, and they can **** your world up based on a hunch. I have seen family friends go through investigations. Your balls out approach = FAIL

The ironic thing is if you was a real crook and hit them for a carousel fraud they would be screwed and would probably never find you...

Good points, well made. I concede.

I still wouldn't declare any "cash bonus" that came my way and I'm still convinced I could spend my way through it without being noticed. Thanks for the tips on what gets noticed and how I'll not be making those mistakes

[OwlHoot]

Why do you think you have to hold 6 years worth of personal bank statements? It’s not because they will get to see you for a review every 6 years. It's because when they finally do come for you that information will show them a profile of what you do and how often you do it...

That may be so, but you could put a lot of cash to good use paying for things you wouldn't normally buy, or for discretionary items like booze and fags (which you can claim not to buy because you had decided to turn teetotal and give up smoking) or even books and DVDs etc.

[Sysman]

Take it to Lichenstein, and put all in in one go.

Do the metal strips in notes show up in an airport security scanner?

If yes, drive there.

The under the mattress answer suffers from one major flaw. When new notes come into circulation the old ones will at some point cease to be legal tender and you either find they are worthless or you must justify where they came from.

Raising an invoice and putting it through the books as a cash sale would seem the obvious answer to the original question...

[Sysman]

WHS

Although the only thing I would add is a note of caution not to accept any amount grossly disproportional to the value of the work you've done for this guy, or you'll be in his debt in a manner of speaking (in a sort of "Godfather" sense) and he'll feel entitled to expect future favours which you may be less willing or able to provide.

For example, next thing you know he'll be expecting you to bury a suitcase full of guns or drugs in your back garden!

Maybe not even that sinister, but you could end up doing work you are not interested in because you "owe him". A dodgy website could be a future request.