Separation/Divorce - should I wait before my first contract?

[bluemoon]

I am about to go through separation and divorce (after 15 years of marriage). Obviously not going to be the best time of our lives while we get through this. We have 2 kids (10 and 12) but have a fair amount of equity.

I have read a fair bit on these forums but every situation is different.

In addition, my mind is made up to go contracting although I am not under pressure to leave my permie position. However, I have a very good offer on the table right now!

So, my question is: Should I wait until I am separated and have agreed assets, payments etc before I make a move into contracting and I earn more money? My kids are very important and I need to ensure they continue to have a secure life, but I also don’t want to give up all my future earnings!!

Reading on here, there is no way of moving money around as the courts will want full accounts? How long should I wait, post settlement before i move into the contract world?

Any advice and experience greatly appreciated!

[Sockpuppet]

You need to speak to a lawyer. Setting up your own company and not having a permie salary may work in your favour. You can always resign from your new company post settlement and start a new company which your wife can't touch.

[Jeebo72]

You need to speak to a lawyer. Setting up your own company and not having a permie salary may work in your favour. You can always resign from your new company post settlement and start a new company which your wife can't touch.

They will go through your company accounts with a fine tooth comb. It will make no difference. So it's not an option if you want to "save" money...

[Sysman]

They will go through your company accounts with a fine tooth comb. It will make no difference. So it's not an option if you want to "save" money...

There's the danger that the wife's lawyers will say "Oh goody, look how much money he's making" and not take into account the full cost of expenses or the need to build up a war chest for downtime between contracts.

[vetran]

b4 you involve lawyers

Get a mediator in, make a deal, make it legal. If you get more cash afterwards make sure the kids get some of it.

I have watched both ways, the lawyer route only makes the lawyers richer and both of you poorer. AIUI the mediator takes the edge off it.

I'd keep in a permie job until its over if possible, you will have enough stress in your life. It will make it simpler to divvy up the assets and if you go contracting afterwards. I'd imagine you can change your employment without too much investigation so long as you pay what you agreed in the first place.

I haven't been through it but a few of my friends & family have.

[Gibbon]

Been here, got the T-Shirt and survived just. Here's a few pointers from my experience.

1. Take the contract, you will have no accounts for over a year only your wage slips. The CSA have never asked for my full accounts only the financial statement. Base any maintenance payments on the CSA formula i.e 15% for 1 kid 20% for two. Knock off 1/7 for each night in the week you have them.

2. Keep your pension and give the required equity in the house to offset this. Do not in any circumstance agree to any nominal maintenance for your ex-spouse. Both these can bite you on the ass later on.

3. Ride the rollercoaster that your life is about to become. Like it or not you will slowly become a secondary influence on your kids. Do not get entangled with other woman for 2-3 years let yourself get over this one. Having said that, shag everything that moves but not more than once.


"Trust your ship to the wind, but not your soul to a woman" Quintus Cicero aprox 55 BCE

[Lockhouse]

Do not in any circumstance agree to any nominal maintenance for your ex-spouse. Both these can bite you on the ass later on.

Some very good points above but the above is most important. Ensure that your spouse is "paid off" now.

[Pogle]

I am about to go through separation and divorce (after 15 years of marriage). Obviously not going to be the best time of our lives while we get through this. We have 2 kids (10 and 12) but have a fair amount of equity.

I have read a fair bit on these forums but every situation is different.

In addition, my mind is made up to go contracting although I am not under pressure to leave my permie position. However, I have a very good offer on the table right now!

So, my question is: Should I wait until I am separated and have agreed assets, payments etc before I make a move into contracting and I earn more money? My kids are very important and I need to ensure they continue to have a secure life, but I also don’t want to give up all my future earnings!!

Reading on here, there is no way of moving money around as the courts will want full accounts? How long should I wait, post settlement before i move into the contract world?

Any advice and experience greatly appreciated!

Try the separation and THEN if it doesn't work do the divorce. I wanted a divorce, we separated for 6 months, got back together and are now very happy, took me by surprise, but I'm not complaining

[Gibbon]

Try the separation and THEN if it doesn't work do the divorce. I wanted a divorce, we separated for 6 months, got back together and are now very happy, took me by surprise, but I'm not complaining

Excellent advice. That happened with me and the current wife.

Some other tips.

1) Don't get bitter or jealous now matter how unfairly you feel you are been treated. Try to be fair at all times and don't react or retaliate.

2) Maintain consistent contact with the kids and always let them know when you will next see them and try never to miss it. Consistency is what they need in what will be a very traumatic time. Never ever blacken their mother or blame her in any way. If she does behave badly the kids will work for themselves.

3) Get a life of your own don't just be hanging around waiting for the next contact. Take up something you've always wanted to do or join some clubs etc.

HTH and good luck either way.