Great expressions and or catchphrases

[Moscow Mule]

I would rather cut my nuts off with a spoon...

****...<dramatic pause>...that

Aye

[DimPrawn]

That server is up and down like a bride's nightie.


Suck my big fat hairy ****

[EternalOptimist]

She has a face like a bag of spanners

[EternalOptimist]

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your @rsehole


Arabic. Transl - 'May your @rsehole be infested by the fleas from 1000 camels'

[Platypus]

"Bob's your uncle."

"Robert's your father's brother" as a friend of mine used to say

[Toastiness]

Mad as a box of frogs

[EternalOptimist]

May you always buy cheap, and sell dear

[Platypus]

I haven't laughed so much since Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle

[PorkPie]

"You can't polish a turd."

Example context:


Bloke 1: "I've worked hard to fix up this old banger, but it still doesn't look that good."
Bloke 2: "Well mate, bottom line is - you can't polish a turd."

pull

[ribble]

'She's got a face like a bulldog licking pi$$ off a thistle'