Life on the bench: in my dressing gown

[RichardCranium]

Sounds promising, I know its tough but go in there not really wanting the job - sometimes not caring makes you perform better in interviews because it makes you more articulate / expressive.

works for me.

That'll be easy; I don't. The top end of the pay scale is £400 per year more that I was on as a permie in 1995. The bottom end is £27k. I thought £27k was an annual tax bill, not a salary.

According to the paperwork I have to take 3 forms of ID including "multiple photocopies". How many is 'multiple'? And they're the f*** ers with a 5 storey office block so why do I have to do the photocopying? They also want all my certificates; I must see if I can find my CSE and my yellos swimming badge.

Permie job descriptions contain some rubbish these days:

"Puts in overtime where this will value add" - where's that puking smiley?

"Applies the 80:20 rule" - I'll bear that in mind should the job entail Victorian era Italian land management.

"Proactively networks with business units" - doesn't that mean "gossips with strangers"?

"Delivers more than is required" - now that's just furkin stupid.

"Solicits input from others" - pimping?

Having had my whinge, I'll get back to writing this presentation. Maybe I'll just do an elephant impression.

[Zippy]

Oh yes - do the elephant

Permie pay hasn't moved much in the last 10 years or so, I'm afraid. Get back in to it, screw 'em for every course you can and in 18 months you'll be laughing. It'll fund a few bills and some beer in the meantime.
What is the theme of the presentation (understand if you don't want to say) and how long is it for?

[suityou01]

I think you have this spot on. Vent your spleen on here, so you can do the interview with reduced bile in your mouth, get the gig, milk them for everything you can get, and then go contracting again.

Works for me. Good luck.

I'd leave out the elephant impression personally, but I'm just a prude. I note Zippy was first to comment on the elephant impression, but then again this does not suprise me in the least.

[Zippy]

I'd leave out the elephant impression personally, but I'm just a prude. I note Zippy was first to comment on the elephant impression, but then again this does not suprise me in the least.

[suityou01]

[Torran]

Any news?

[HairyArsedBloke]

Oh yes - do the elephant

Oh yes, that is a defo.

[nomadd]

Permie job descriptions contain some rubbish these days:

"Puts in overtime where this will value add" - where's that puking smiley?

"Applies the 80:20 rule" - I'll bear that in mind should the job entail Victorian era Italian land management.

"Proactively networks with business units" - doesn't that mean "gossips with strangers"?

"Delivers more than is required" - now that's just furkin stupid.

"Solicits input from others" - pimping?

Having had my whinge, I'll get back to writing this presentation. Maybe I'll just do an elephant impression.

After reading the above, I now realise why I'm still contracting after all these years. I'd never be able to answer questions like those without pissing myself laughing, and then asking "You weren't being serious with all that stuff, were you?"

Still, best of luck with the pressie. If nothing else, it'll get you out of that dressing gown and the house for a while.

Nomadd

[conned tractor]

So was it the elephant?

[RichardCranium]

So was it the elephant?

No, I bottled out of doing that.


Instead I was a good boy, did my research, wrote my presentation with pretty handouts and everything, told them how much I admired them and would just wither and die if I couldn't work there and answered all their questions thoroughly with examples of Good Works and smiled lots and remembered to use their first names and used open body language and looked keen and attentive and got there 5 minutes early and had a prepared question at the end to show I was interested and I was able to tell them something about their organisation they didn't know and didn't let it over-run or under-run and flirted a little with the Receptionist and had a shave and brushed my hair and polished my shoes and took occasional notes and asked them to "please repeat the question" rather than ramble and took spare CVs and remembered to take my ID documents and the copies and I didn't slouch or swear or pick my nose and I remembered to ask if I had answered their question and asked at the end of there was anything else they needed to know to convince them I could do the job and took my certifications (we ask for them but don't look and just take your word for it).

I think I did OK.