Pimp my CV

[lightng]

OK there's one particular agency pissing me off with fishing calls. This is happening almost every other week.

I've decided to send them a pimped up CV complete with made-up referees. Amongst other things on my CV, I spent two years teaching Klingon as a foreign language, and can communicate with most mainframes orally using only a random series of beeps and whistles.

So anyone got any other ideas that I can stick in. I want to keep it 90% sensible and stick the odd bit of crap in at random points so it isn't picked up by your average scan-reading pimp.

[cojak]

while this is undoubtedly hilarious, don't be surprised in 2 years time when eyebrows are raised during that coveted job interview and you're asked "so - how long did you pimp for Britney?"

[lightng]

while this is undoubtedly hilarious, don't be surprised in 2 years time when eyebrows are raised during that coveted job interview and you're asked "so - how long did you pimp for Britney?"

Added. It will make a great talking point.

[Board Game Geek]

PM'ed you.

[lightng]

PM'ed you.

Thanks mate. Point taken re: legal implications. Maybe not a good idea in practice . Thanks for looking out for me. You're not a bad sort!

Don't do this at home folks!

[HairyArsedBloke]

Give the use of key word searches you could add phrases such as "Never used Oracle. Java is a mystery to me; no idea what J2EE is all about."

You'll get loads* of calls for .......







* Not anymore you wont, but once you would.

[Menelaus]

Thanks mate. Point taken re: legal implications. Maybe not a good idea in practice . Thanks for looking out for me. You're not a bad sort!

Don't do this at home folks!

You might claim (poor taste, doubtful legality) to have developed the mid-Atlantic air traffic system between Africa and Brazil...



... too soon?

[pmeswani]

OK there's one particular agency pissing me off with fishing calls. This is happening almost every other week.

I've decided to send them a pimped up CV complete with made-up referees. Amongst other things on my CV, I spent two years teaching Klingon as a foreign language, and can communicate with most mainframes orally using only a random series of beeps and whistles.

So anyone got any other ideas that I can stick in. I want to keep it 90% sensible and stick the odd bit of crap in at random points so it isn't picked up by your average scan-reading pimp.

You could say that you were the technical architect for Swines Flu and that you have the vaccine that cures all flu.

Or you could say that you are the oracle of fun and love to drink Java, especially the J2EE variety.

You may want to state on your CV that you are in the process of stablising the Warp Bubble in order to make deep space travel possible 4 centuries ahead of schedule.

[lightng]

Liking the technology keyword in the wrong context ideas. How about "Perfected my high jump using the AGILE methodology"

I would have put the warp bubble stabilisation thing in but I usually leave out stuff I did in junior school.

[lightng]

You might claim (poor taste, doubtful legality) to have developed the mid-Atlantic air traffic system between Africa and Brazil...



... too soon?

Naughty boy!