Would you give up soft toilet roll to save the planet?

[EternalOptimist]

I am the only paper-user in our house. The missus uses these scented sheets that come in a box, and the cats unashamedly lick theirs clean.

I think I will invent a water-free English bidet. Press the button and a large imitation cats tongue leaps up and polishes yer brown eye

[Mich the Tester]

I am the only paper-user in our house. The missus uses these scented sheets that come in a box, and the cats unashamedly lick theirs clean.

I think I will invent a water-free English bidet. Press the button and a large imitation cats tongue leaps up and polishes yer brown eye

Wouldn't that be rather abrasive?

[BoredBloke]

The French have a theory that the English have red faces and ruddy cheeks due to constipation.

But we all know that the French have no quarms about going for a number 2 in the shower and then poking it through the holes with their toes.

[EternalOptimist]

But we all know that the French have no quarms about going for a number 2 in the shower and then poking it through the holes with their toes.

<cough>

[BoredBloke]

I think I will invent a water-free English bidet. Press the button and a large imitation cats tongue leaps up and polishes yer brown eye

Kittens - that's the way to go. A big basket of kittens next to the bog. Once used you can flush if you are they way inclined but I usually tie them to a brick and put the shower on them for a bit to get the bigger bits off. They clean the rest themselves.

[Mich the Tester]

But we all know that the French have no quarms about going for a number 2 in the shower and then poking it through the holes with their toes.

Ever been to a doctor in France? I’ve been a few times having been on holiday there a lot when I was a kid. I went once for a burn on my leg, once for a broken finger and once for a throat infection. The standard French cure for any and all ailments is a suppository. What is it with the French and their bums?

[BoredBloke]

Ever been to a doctor in France? I’ve been a few times having been on holiday there a lot when I was a kid. I went once for a burn on my leg, once for a broken finger and once for a throat infection. The standard French cure for any and all ailments is a suppository. What is it with the French and their bums?

your bum

[Mich the Tester]

your bum

I never said I used their prescriptions.

To be fair, the hand surgeon who rebuilt my crushed finger did a bloody good job. Apparently there are only 4 surgeons in Europe who could have done the operation succesfully; 3 of them work privately in the UK and one works in a public hospital in France. Talk about who's got the best healthcare.