Reply to: Would you give up soft toilet roll to save the planet?

[Mich the Tester]

your bum

I never said I used their prescriptions.

To be fair, the hand surgeon who rebuilt my crushed finger did a bloody good job. Apparently there are only 4 surgeons in Europe who could have done the operation succesfully; 3 of them work privately in the UK and one works in a public hospital in France. Talk about who's got the best healthcare.

[BoredBloke]

Ever been to a doctor in France? I’ve been a few times having been on holiday there a lot when I was a kid. I went once for a burn on my leg, once for a broken finger and once for a throat infection. The standard French cure for any and all ailments is a suppository. What is it with the French and their bums?

your bum

[Mich the Tester]

But we all know that the French have no quarms about going for a number 2 in the shower and then poking it through the holes with their toes.

Ever been to a doctor in France? I’ve been a few times having been on holiday there a lot when I was a kid. I went once for a burn on my leg, once for a broken finger and once for a throat infection. The standard French cure for any and all ailments is a suppository. What is it with the French and their bums?

[BoredBloke]

I think I will invent a water-free English bidet. Press the button and a large imitation cats tongue leaps up and polishes yer brown eye

Kittens - that's the way to go. A big basket of kittens next to the bog. Once used you can flush if you are they way inclined but I usually tie them to a brick and put the shower on them for a bit to get the bigger bits off. They clean the rest themselves.

[EternalOptimist]

But we all know that the French have no quarms about going for a number 2 in the shower and then poking it through the holes with their toes.

<cough>

[BoredBloke]

The French have a theory that the English have red faces and ruddy cheeks due to constipation.

But we all know that the French have no quarms about going for a number 2 in the shower and then poking it through the holes with their toes.

[Mich the Tester]

I am the only paper-user in our house. The missus uses these scented sheets that come in a box, and the cats unashamedly lick theirs clean.

I think I will invent a water-free English bidet. Press the button and a large imitation cats tongue leaps up and polishes yer brown eye

Wouldn't that be rather abrasive?

[EternalOptimist]

I am the only paper-user in our house. The missus uses these scented sheets that come in a box, and the cats unashamedly lick theirs clean.

I think I will invent a water-free English bidet. Press the button and a large imitation cats tongue leaps up and polishes yer brown eye

[Drewster]

The French have a theory that the English have red faces and ruddy cheeks due to constipation.

Bl**dy Frogs - we all know the ruddy cheeks come from

[Mich the Tester]

Or perhaps the American is just good at spouting tulip while us anally retentive Europeans are simply full of tulip.

The French have a theory that the English have red faces and ruddy cheeks due to constipation.

[BoredBloke]

I don't know, but when I worked for a water board we used average turd amounts per person per day for working out the capacity of sewers and modelling water purification requirements. I can't remember the exact figures but a visiting American engineer said that he was quite suprised by just how little tulip the average European household produces compared to the average American household. All other variables being as good as equal, the only possible explanation was the food intake of the average American household.

Or perhaps the American is just good at spouting tulip while us anally retentive Europeans are simply full of sh1t.

[Mich the Tester]

I use a bidet, toilet paper is a disgusting idea.

I've never understood how the English can eat so much curry and yet not have a bidet; the cooling effect of a cold bidet would surely be quite a relief after an evening on the vindaloo.

[dinker]

I use a bidet, toilet paper is a disgusting idea.

[Mich the Tester]

Is American bog roll any different to ours?

I don't know, but when I worked for a water board we used average turd amounts per person per day for working out the capacity of sewers and modelling water purification requirements. I can't remember the exact figures but a visiting American engineer said that he was quite suprised by just how little tulip the average European household produces compared to the average American household. All other variables being as good as equal, the only possible explanation was the food intake of the average American household.

[BoredBloke]

Is American bog roll any different to ours?