Forget the expensive business schools, with this cut out and keep guide you’ll be able to hold your own in the boardroom of any blue-chip multinational and gain untold riches with no effort at all!
If you’re struggling with lower revenues in existing product lines, stop all investments and cut training budgets.
If you have two brands which are reputable in different market sectors, save money by merging them into one crap brand that nobody likes.
If you want to cover the risk of someone not repaying you for a loan, buy a share in somebody else’s loan risk.
If you own very exclusive brands which appeal to high disposable income consumers, outsource production to an Asian dictatorship where illiterate, malnourished 7 year olds will make the same stuff with plenty quickness and much cheapness.
If you find your margins under pressure, cut costs by reducing customer contacts and bleeding your suppliers to death.
Make sure you know nothing at all about what your company actually makes or sells; leave that kind of irrelevant detail to your underpaid permie minions.
If all else fails, blackmail the government by threatening to make 150,000 people redundant and pick up a big taxpayer funded subsidy.
Finally, don’t forget to take home a 7 or 8 figure failure bonus.
Feel free to add suggestions!
If you’re struggling with lower revenues in existing product lines, stop all investments and cut training budgets.
If you have two brands which are reputable in different market sectors, save money by merging them into one crap brand that nobody likes.
If you want to cover the risk of someone not repaying you for a loan, buy a share in somebody else’s loan risk.
If you own very exclusive brands which appeal to high disposable income consumers, outsource production to an Asian dictatorship where illiterate, malnourished 7 year olds will make the same stuff with plenty quickness and much cheapness.
If you find your margins under pressure, cut costs by reducing customer contacts and bleeding your suppliers to death.
Make sure you know nothing at all about what your company actually makes or sells; leave that kind of irrelevant detail to your underpaid permie minions.
If all else fails, blackmail the government by threatening to make 150,000 people redundant and pick up a big taxpayer funded subsidy.
Finally, don’t forget to take home a 7 or 8 figure failure bonus.
Feel free to add suggestions!
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