Online diagnosis

[DimPrawn]

You'll walk into the NHS doctors. He/she will be busy typing the last patient notes into the PC.

They'll give you a glance and carry on typing.

"What seems to be the problem?" they'll ask, without looking at you.

"I've had a cough....blah, blah".

They'll glaze over. Give you a 10 second look and say.

"Probably viral. Antibiotics will have no effect. You need to take pain killers and a decongestant. Will work it's way clear in a few weeks."

Next!

And you'll think "I'm glad the average GP is on a £200K salary now."

[threaded]

Sounds like you need to take up cycling, that'll clear it up.

[DiscoStu]

I'm really sorry NotAllThere, but I'm fairly sure you have Ebola.

[NetwkSupport]

If you have a foam mattress then check its not got mould spores underneath

[EternalOptimist]

what colour snot are you coughing up ?

[Moscow Mule]

Man (the ****) up, you've got a cold.

They last for about 2-3 weeks unless you get re-infected mid-way through in which case you'll get an extra 1-2 weeks.

Couple of paracetamol and maybe gargle with some TCP. Sleep on your front (stops your night time snot dripping down the back of your throat).

[TimberWolf]

Breathing difficulty suggests some fluid build-up or bronchi constriction. As threaded suggests, exercise might clear it up. Or kill you.

[Gonzo]

My uncle Dave had exactly those symptoms.















He died two weeks later.

HTH

There is no need to be quite so pessimistic, the OP might last longer than that.

- my great-uncle Arthur had exactly the same symptoms and it was three weeks before they killed him.

[minestrone]

A viral cough can last for a good few weeks so your GP will politely tell you to GTF.

That is what the gf says she does anyway.

[DaveB]

If you are coughing up crap and wheezing a lot it's probably a bacterial chest infection ( viral infections dont cause the mucus, just the fever and general crappyness ).

If not treated they can rumble on for weeks and the rest of the symptoms match. A trip to the GP and a weeks worth of antibiotics will sort it.