Most Unwholesome Colleague

[Chugnut]

He extended what I can only describe as a 'claw'. His finger nails were about an half an inch long and stained a shade of sunset orange by nicotine.

...

My team were sat there appalled and astonished, and wondering whether this creature would suddenly stand up and reveal himself as Jeremy Beadle.

Alas no, he was for real

Maybe it was Beadle.

Sorry, RIP Jeremy.

[Chugnut]

Not a colleague but a room mate at uni. In the second year we were one person short to fill a house. We decided to offer the room to a guy from Winchester, despite rumours we had heard.

He was quite a sarcastic little git but I put that down to him coming from the south east of England. Anyway, as time went on he became more reclusive and nocturnal, getting up durning the night, sleeping throughout the day. Never seemed to change his clothes (one playing football and going out on the town in them), the soap and shampoo in the bathroom gathered dust. Then the whole first floor of the house started to smell of him, gradually the smell spread throughout the house. The culmination of this disgusting residence was finding what I can only describe as a giant cornish pasty shaped turd blocking the pan. The smell was out of this world.

Last i heard he was packaging salads for M&S

This is not turd, this is M&S turd.

[EternalOptimist]

maybe it wasn't a cornish pasty shaped dung, maybe it was a real baby stegosaurus. a brown one.
well its possible

[Bagpuss]

The image will be with me for the rest of my life, along with the regret at not contacting the people at Guiness book of records

[EternalOptimist]

The image will be with me for the rest of my life, along with the regret at not contacting the people at Guiness book of records

One of the biggest regrets I have is that I was born so long before the digital camera became available.

[Peoplesoft bloke]

One of the biggest regrets I have is that I was born so long before the digital camera became available.

No excuse. I have a photo of a turd between 2 slices of bread taken during my University days on an old fashioned camera.

(I am not proud of this)

[Bagpuss]

No excuse. I have a photo of a turd between 2 slices of bread taken during my University days on an old fashioned camera.

(I am not proud of this)

I blame the introduction of loans, before that a kebab would have been the obvious choice

[Peoplesoft bloke]

I blame the introduction of loans, before that a kebab would have been the obvious choice

Er - except I went before loans (yes I am that old).

[DieScum]

I once taught a class and had one student 'Mandy'.

She was grotesquely obese, with matted greasy hair, buck teeth and looked as it she had got dressed in the dark.

She was probably a bit autistic. Was great with computers, she solved some stuff first go that I couldn't being a supposed expert... but jesus, she used to sit at the back of the class swigging out a pint of milk... when I was talking she would close her eyes, through her wobbly head back and sort of sleep with her mouth wide open.

She'd constantly say what ever was on her mind, whether she was bored, etc, no idea of normal human manners.

At lunch she came up to me and asked if it could be arranged for her only to have meat as she hated vegetables and couldn't touch anything near them.

Mad, mad woman. Good with computers though.