Put Downs

[snaw]

Reminds me of an "M People" concert I went to. I was sat watching the concert and the fooker in front of me kept standing up and dancing on his seat with his missus.

I told said fooker that I hadn't paid good money to watch his dancing.

He replied that I "should get a life!"

To which I stood up and whispered in his ear that if he didn't sit down and shut the fook up that he "should get an ambulance".

Said fooker promptly shut up and told his wife to sit down.

Funny that, I would have you pegged as the sort of bloke who sit's down at a concert.

[threaded]

I'm always too slow too. L'esprit d'escalier is what the French call it. The spirit that comes up with a killer reply when you're on the stairs on the way out.

Best one I came up with too late was when I was cycling along and a guy slowed his car next to me and shouted out, "Oi! Get of the f**king road! You don't even pay road tax!" His girlfriend was in the passenger seat and I really wish I'd said, "I don't pay for sex either mate. Looks like you're a double loser."

I've been waiting for about three years so far for the same opportunity.

I've already done that one, several time. It can be fun. Gets the adrenaline pumping. They follow you, you know, and at every junction try and knock you off. Took one for a tour around the car parks at Meadowhall Shopping Centre one Saturday morning. Boy was he mad: was purple faced. Had to lose him in the end as it looked like he was about to have an aneurysm and I felt, no matter how bad his driving was, it was worth taking his life for.

Another one is to suddenly make out, in the middle of the exchange, going from mad face to happy smiley, that you know the female passenger. Did that in Leeds once, it was like I'd thrown a grenade through the window. Fantastic result.

[TheFaQQer]

That's another cricket one

I think it was Aussie wicket-keeper Rodney Marsh who asked England batsman Robin Smith

Close - Marsh to Botham

[King Cnvt]

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

[King Cnvt]

Hey, I may be fat, but you'll always be ugly, and I can diet.

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your girlfriend.

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

[cailin maith]

Hate to be the one to point it out, but.....








You're still married

Good point

[Churchill]

Funny that, I would have you pegged as the sort of bloke who sit's down at a concert.

Please speak English, my "Retarded Scots" is a little rusty.

[daviejones]

Please speak English, my "Retarded Scots" is a little rusty.

Your "Retarded English" is ok though.

[Churchill]

Your "Retarded English" is ok though.

Well I certainly don't have a problem reading your posts!

[daviejones]

Well I certainly don't have a problem reading your posts!

No, I keep them simple for you.